Husband, Love Your Wife

 

Marriage 10

 

          Husband, love your wife.

          "Well, duh. Whaddya think I got married for?"

          Agreed. Hopefully, you chose to get married for this good reason. But there are some layers here that may not perhaps be seen at first glance. Let us look a little more closely, shall we?

          The first reference we find in Scripture to a husband loving his wife is in relation to Isaac and Rebekah. And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah’s tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her. (Genesis 24.67) By all accounts, Isaac and Rebekah lived out this same principle over the intervening decades and are a worthy example for us. In complete contrast, Solomon, a failure as a husband if ever there was one, tells us as an older man, Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all the days of the life of thy vanity. (Ecclesiastes 9.9)

Regardless of the human source of the advice, it is excellent advice. Husband, love your wife.

          This love is not simply an emotional high produced by pheromones. As we can see from the two passages above, it is supposed to last for a lifetime. By implication then, it must be able to weather a lifetimes worth of storms.

One potential problem area here is bitterness. Occasionally, a man will begin to look at what he had to give up to get married – his toys, his vaunted freedom, his nights out with the boys, perhaps a career opportunity or two – and the black mold of bitterness will begin to grow in the secret, dark places of his heart.

Another route to the same sin may be an obsession with things she said or did years ago that hurt you. Nothing is so large and yet so fragile as a man's ego. Perhaps she laughed at you or compared you unfavorably in some way to another man. In a trying season, she was unfaithful, and despite what you told her, you have not forgiven her from the heart.

Heed Paul’s counsel here: Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them. (Colossians 3.19)

The extent of a husband’s love is revealed in the earthly example of how men love their own selves. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it. (Ephesians 5.28-29) We baby ourselves. The budget may be stretched to the breaking point, but if there is something we want, we find a way to afford it. We pamper ourselves; we eat our favorite foods in our favorite chair while watching our favorite team and expect everyone else in the family to orbit around our choices.

What would our marriages be like if we shifted that from ourselves to our wives? For the Word is clear here; this ought to be done.

The question naturally follows: how? How can a man love his wife so well?

The answer, I think, as in so many things spiritual, is to look to Christ. How does Christ love the church? For there is a direct relation between my marriage and Christ’s example. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the church, and gave himself for it. (Ephesians 5.25) Jesus loved/s the church by giving, a character trait demonstrated equally well by His Father. (John 3.16)

How was Christ's love demonstrated to the church? He gave up His eternal position and spotless reputation to come to Earth. He gave His time in patiently teaching and building the earthly foundation of the church, the Apostles. On the cross, He took all the blame upon Himself, endured the pain, and shed His blood to purchase the church. Down to the present day, He lavishes gifts on the church, pastors and teachers. He allows the church to represent Him on Earth while He is away. He keeps the espousal intact regardless of how unattractive we become at times. He will someday marry us forever.

Put another way round, what we see in Christ is constant sacrifice, a never-ending giving. Love is sacrifice, and men are capable of great sacrifice when driven by love. The flags that flutter from the graves of fallen heroes each Memorial Day stand in silent witness to the fact.

“Well, it’s all good then. I have given up lots of stuff for her.”

Good. But your perspective is not the answer to the question; her perspective is.

There are several candidates for the title of best chapter in the Bible about love, but one of them is undoubtedly I John 4. There, amongst other gems, we find this truth about love: There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love. (I John 4.18) The only One Who loves perfectly is God. How perfect is He at doing so? I have no doubt that He loves me; I have zero fear in that regard.

As I write this, it is Sunday afternoon. The weather is balmy for an Iowa Spring. I am sitting on my screened-in porch, enjoying the sunshine and the singing of the birds. But I do not feel like God loves me due to the sunshine and the birds. I am convinced God loves me because of a lifetime of lovingkindness, of grace and mercy poured out during the bleakest of times, of tender provisions of strength and faith in the harsh winters of life. Consequently, I am utterly convinced He loves me. That is how good God is at loving.

This, my brother, is what you and I are supposed to provide for our wives, this absence of any fear in relation to our affections. It is often said that wives crave security. I may speak to that in a later post. But right here, we find the scriptural command to meet the depths of such a soul's need. Putting these passages together, we are called to love our wives so well they have no fear at all that we love someone or something more or that we may do so at some point.

Husband, love your wife. Like you love yourself. Sacrifice happily for her, as our Saviour did for us. And love her so well her insecurities vanish as the dew dries in the warmth of June morning.

Then do it again tomorrow.