Marriage: God's Original Intent

 

Marriage 2

 

And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof. And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him. And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

Genesis 2.18-25

 

 

          In jurisprudence, the doctrine of original intent asserts that in interpreting legal texts, one should seek to understand and apply the original purposes or meanings intended by the authors of the law. For example, it comes up significantly in the context of the United States Constitution. Any document can be interpreted spiritually or loosely, and thus, the entire intent – there's the word – of the document is ruined. Original intent fences in those interpretations and thus preserves the result within boundaries deemed best when the document was birthed.

          I do not believe in evolution; I believe in Creation. As such, I do not believe marriage as an institution is an evolved social construct. It was designed and created by God to accomplish certain purposes. What were those purposes? What was God's original intent? If I can answer these questions right, I can build a marriage that accomplishes what God intended for it to accomplish.

          What are they then?

God’s Original Intent Was a Marriage of Sweet Intimacy

          I read Joseph P. Lash's 1972 biography of Franklin and Eleanor Roosevelt some years ago. Winner of the Pulitzer Prize and the National Book Award, “Eleanor and Franklin” is a highly regarded dissection of their lives as they intersected with one another, of their marriage, essentially. And it is a sad book. As a younger man, Franklin developed a long-term adulterous relationship, and though he eventually broke it off, the impact on Eleanor was enormous. They remained together for the sake of politics, but as their professional success grew, their marriage deteriorated. At Hyde Park, they lived in different houses. In the White House, Eleanor kept her lover ensconced in a hideaway bedroom. She threw herself into her charitable work. He rescued the country from the Depression and the world from war. There was no joy, no fun, no union, no intimacy, no life of any kind at all together.

          I have also known of some Christian marriages like that.

          This is not how God designed marriage. What He intended was a mingling of each partner's life with the other to the point that you cannot tell where one ends and the other begins. Where there used to be two, now there is only one. It is not to be his life and her life; it is to be their life.

          Five months before I got married, I was sitting one day at my perch by the front door of Toyota Youngstown. There was not a customer within a mile. I had recently gotten engaged. Thinking about Mandy and our upcoming marriage, I picked up a pen and a piece of paper and composed the following:

Sonnet XI

I want my life to merge with my dear Man,

To twine itself around her own until

Others looking closely at us will

Not tell where she would end and I begin.

I want, to name a word I oft have used

To mesh with her, to join, to be, to blend

So tightly, nothing can be used to rend

A seamless union, welded, melded, fused.

Often in my daily chosen path

I meet with those who in unseemly wrath

Have severed lives not meant to be apart

Because they did it wrong right from the start.

Let us be together fifty years

Transformed so that our twain as one appears.

          Please understand me here. I am not saying my marriage is a shining example of this, though I seek to move toward my wife constantly. But if your partner, in contrast, is lazy, unspiritual, or selfish, you may need to endure your marriage, but that was not God's original intent. It was that the two of you would be so close to each other that there would not be two any longer, just one.

God’s Original Intent Was a Marriage That Banished Loneliness

          In the first chapter of Genesis, seven times, we find the phrase, it was good. In the very next chapter, we see the term, it is not good. What was not good? A man alone.

          I know some precious single adults, good Christians who love the Lord and who struggle with loneliness. I do not fault them for it. But there should not be a single, married individual who does; God designed marriage to eliminate the hollow pain of loneliness.

          In our culture, we choose a partner by dating. What is dating? I defined it in a recent blog series on the subject as any specific period in which the two of you are purposely getting together to enjoy each other's company, get to know each other better, and pay attention to each other. Marriage follows when two people have dated well enough long enough to say, "Let's just stay together all the time." 

          Cohabiting, as it is termed these days, is fornication. No Christian should ever enter into such an arrangement. Before marriage, then, you are always saying goodbye to one another. The more you grow together as a couple, the more those goodbyes bother you. You want nothing more than to be together.

          I have a distinct memory in connection with this. I was sitting in the front seat of my 1991 Honda Prelude, top down, entering a tight onramp on the Pennsylvania expressway. It was a warm, sunny December afternoon. My bride was seated beside me; her wedding gown puffed up all around her. And I thought, "I do not have to drop her off anywhere. How wonderful is this?"

          Now, before you say to yourself, "I sure hope my partner will read this because I'm lonely," I want you to ask yourself a question, namely this: Is my partner lonely? I am not saying you have to be together 24/7, but I am saying that there ought to be a deep sense of companionship, partnership, and togetherness in your marriage.

          We are social creatures. Solitary confinement is our worst form of living punishment. Do not sentence your partner to a lonely, solitary existence. Such is not God’s intent for your marriage.

God’s Original Intent Was for the Wife to Help Her Husband

          Political correctness and what is societally acceptable at the moment have no part in the framing of this following sentence. God designed man to serve Him; God designed woman to serve man. God put Adam in the Garden of Eden to dress it and keep it. (Genesis 2.15) God put Eve in Adam’s life to be an help meet. (Genesis 2.18) The animals were not suited to help Adam accomplish his service to God, but Eve was. In other words, God told Adam what God wanted Adam to do in serving Him. Adam could not get it all done or all done correctly by himself. Adam tried to enlist the animals, but they were not suited to help him. So God gave Adam a helper exactly suited to Adam's needs – Eve.

          Allow me to reach to another God-designed institution, the church, to illustrate this. God gave the pastor to the church to shepherd the people. God gave the deacon to the pastor to help him shepherd the people. The best description of a deacon is that he is the pastor's helper. In whatever way the pastor needs help, the deacon should structure his life to help the pastor do his job. Does God love the pastor more than the deacon? Of course not. Are they both equal in the sight of God? Of course. But one was designed to serve the church, and the other was designed to serve the one serving the church.

          Wife, in what areas does your husband want your help? How does he want you to perform that help? Ask yourself those questions, seek the answers, apply what you discover, and you will fulfill God's original intent for your marriage. Husband, in what areas has God asked you to serve Him? How does He want you to perform that service? Ask yourself those questions, seek the answers, apply what you discover, and enlist your wife alongside you, and you will fulfill God's original intent for your marriage. 

          The most miserable person you know is the most selfish person you know. And the more selfish your approach to marriage is, the more miserable your marriage will be. A husband will only find satisfaction, contentment, and deep happiness if he gives himself to serving God as God wants to be served. A wife will only find satisfaction, contentment, and deep happiness as she gives herself to helping her husband as he desires to be helped.

          This is God’s original intent.