Marriage 13
There are various schools of thought on interpreting the Song of Solomon. I lean toward the one that views it as celebrating an actual love story rather than an allegorized representation of something else. If I am correct, it is interesting to note that the husband in the Song of Solomon told his wife on at least ten occasions that she was beautiful. These were said directly to her. That is in addition to numerous other similes and metaphors that express similar thoughts.
1:15 Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold,
thou art fair; thou hast doves’ eyes.
1:16 Behold, thou art fair, my beloved,
yea, pleasant: also our bed is green.
2:10 My beloved spake, and said unto me, Rise up,
my love, my fair one, and come away.
2:13 The fig tree putteth forth her green figs,
and the vines with the tender grape give a good smell. Arise, my love, my
fair one, and come away.
4:1 Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold,
thou art fair; thou hast doves’ eyes within thy locks: thy hair is as a
flock of goats, that appear from mount Gilead.
4:7 Thou art all fair, my love; there is
no spot in thee.
6:4 Thou art beautiful, O my love, as
Tirzah, comely as Jerusalem, terrible as an army with banners.
6:10 Who is she that looketh forth as the morning,
fair as the moon, clear as the sun, and terrible as an army with
banners?
7:1 How beautiful are thy feet with shoes,
O prince’s daughter! the joints of thy thighs are like jewels, the work of the
hands of a cunning workman.
7:6 How fair and how pleasant art thou, O love, for delights!
Of course, every long marriage is a
love story of lifelong proportions. In that love story, there will be many
chapters. When they first meet and decide to marry, she is naturally beautiful
to him. They are both young, and God is gracious to allow young people the gift
and burden of being attractive to one another. But as the pages of their love
story turn and the chapters mount, that natural, early beauty transitions to
something else. By no means is it gone. No, that is not the right word. Not
gone, but grown deeper.
I am thinking here of that wonderful
turn of phrase, the beauty of holiness. There is something ineffably and
gloriously beautiful about an old soul that has served God and loved Him for
many years. The beauty may shine out of a face creased with lines and worn with
care, but shine it does nonetheless.
In a similar manner, both the young
and the old husband may genuinely and frequently compliment their wife on her
beauty. The former does so as naturally as breathing, but the latter's
compliments are deeper. They are born of a lifetime of care lived in service to
her husband and her children. Everything about her life is beautiful. And when
he looks at her, that is what he actually sees: a woman who is most beautiful
to him. Could he find someone younger? Always. Could he find someone more
beautiful to him? Never.
So tell her.
Men and women are similarly different
in this respect. A man of every age walks past a mirror and sees himself
automatically as devastatingly handsome. A woman of every age walks past a
mirror and is automatically assaulted by her devastating series of flaws. They
both care how they look, to some extent, but the man does not need reassurance;
he needs his delusion checked. The woman, however, needs reassured. So tell
her.
How often? As often as she needs you
to do so. As often as the example husband in the Song of Solomon. As
often as she is beautiful. There are a number of good answers here, but they
all involve one particular term: often.
Husband, tell your wife she is
beautiful. It is biblical. It is correct. It is needed. It is good for both of
you.
Tell her.
Excellent article! Thank you for writing.
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