Husband, Tell Your Wife She Is Beautiful

 

Marriage 13

 

          There are various schools of thought on interpreting the Song of Solomon. I lean toward the one that views it as celebrating an actual love story rather than an allegorized representation of something else. If I am correct, it is interesting to note that the husband in the Song of Solomon told his wife on at least ten occasions that she was beautiful. These were said directly to her. That is in addition to numerous other similes and metaphors that express similar thoughts.

1:15  Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold, thou art fair; thou hast doves’ eyes.

1:16  Behold, thou art fair, my beloved, yea, pleasant: also our bed is green.

2:10  My beloved spake, and said unto me, Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away.

2:13  The fig tree putteth forth her green figs, and the vines with the tender grape give a good smell. Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away.

4:1  Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold, thou art fair; thou hast doves’ eyes within thy locks: thy hair is as a flock of goats, that appear from mount Gilead.

4:7  Thou art all fair, my love; there is no spot in thee.

6:4  Thou art beautiful, O my love, as Tirzah, comely as Jerusalem, terrible as an army with banners.

6:10  Who is she that looketh forth as the morning, fair as the moon, clear as the sun, and terrible as an army with banners?

7:1  How beautiful are thy feet with shoes, O prince’s daughter! the joints of thy thighs are like jewels, the work of the hands of a cunning workman.

7:6  How fair and how pleasant art thou, O love, for delights!

          Of course, every long marriage is a love story of lifelong proportions. In that love story, there will be many chapters. When they first meet and decide to marry, she is naturally beautiful to him. They are both young, and God is gracious to allow young people the gift and burden of being attractive to one another. But as the pages of their love story turn and the chapters mount, that natural, early beauty transitions to something else. By no means is it gone. No, that is not the right word. Not gone, but grown deeper.

          I am thinking here of that wonderful turn of phrase, the beauty of holiness. There is something ineffably and gloriously beautiful about an old soul that has served God and loved Him for many years. The beauty may shine out of a face creased with lines and worn with care, but shine it does nonetheless.

          In a similar manner, both the young and the old husband may genuinely and frequently compliment their wife on her beauty. The former does so as naturally as breathing, but the latter's compliments are deeper. They are born of a lifetime of care lived in service to her husband and her children. Everything about her life is beautiful. And when he looks at her, that is what he actually sees: a woman who is most beautiful to him. Could he find someone younger? Always. Could he find someone more beautiful to him? Never.

          So tell her.

          Men and women are similarly different in this respect. A man of every age walks past a mirror and sees himself automatically as devastatingly handsome. A woman of every age walks past a mirror and is automatically assaulted by her devastating series of flaws. They both care how they look, to some extent, but the man does not need reassurance; he needs his delusion checked. The woman, however, needs reassured. So tell her.

          How often? As often as she needs you to do so. As often as the example husband in the Song of Solomon. As often as she is beautiful. There are a number of good answers here, but they all involve one particular term: often.

          Husband, tell your wife she is beautiful. It is biblical. It is correct. It is needed. It is good for both of you.

          Tell her.