Pastoral
Transitions 20
For several months now on this blog we
have been looking at pastoral transitions. I have sought to address this from
as many viewpoints as possible, but my overall approach has largely been
chronological. We have discussed how to know when it is time to go, how to
decide what to look for next, what to do for your current church once you have
made the decision to go, how to execute your plan to look for another ministry,
how to handle delays, what the candidating process looks like, how to deal with
being voted down, and how a church should approach the pastoral search process
from their side. That brings us to the next step in this process – your own
resignation. At some point, almost always after you have secured your next
ministry position, you will offer your resignation to your current ministry.
What is the best way to do that? How can you soften that blow? How can you do
it in such a way that even in this you are ministering to your people?
First, inform your deacons privately.
For years, they have had your back. For years, you have labored together in
partnership with them. You have wept together, laughed together, prayed
together, planned together, worried together, struggled together, fought
together, lost together, won together. They deserve better than to be
blindsided in a public service. Instinctively, your church will turn to them in
the storm that is about to come. Let them prepare themselves for that by
telling them ahead of time.
In that deacons meeting, it is
important that you emphasize your decision is not because of their lack of
followship or problems you are currently experiencing as a pastor. And that
needs to be the truth. Next, explain the reasons that have dictated your
decision. In such settings, it goes without saying you should not lie. It does
not then follow that you have to say everything you think, believe, or plan.
Some men give no reasons because they do not want to have to answer questions
or try to dance around things. I think that is bad pastoring. Tell them why,
though not necessarily all the why. They will naturally have questions, perhaps
even angry, antagonistic ones. Accept that. They will be surprised and hurt.
Minister grace and truth to them in your responses.
Following this initial notice on your
part and succeeding discussion, take a few moments to plan what comes next. Do
not overload them here. They need time to process this before you dive into the
specifics of their responsibilities in this transition. Explain to them the
timing of the events that will follow – how and when you will tell the church,
how long you will remain as pastor, and when your next planning meeting will
be.

I would also counsel that you and your
deacon chairman prepare a statement that he can provide to the church.
Following your public resignation, he should come to the pulpit and read this
statement. Its purpose is to help settle and calm the initial nervousness that
will come to your church when you resign. As he reads it, he should seek to
portray a calm, controlled, everything-is-going-to-be-ok vibe. He should
express gratitude on behalf of the church for your service, but a desire that
the pastor continue to follow God’s will for his life. He should announce to
the people that the deacons will meet very soon to begin planning the transition,
and then he should close in prayer.
Second, decide what format to use to
resign. Some men do it via letter or email. Some men do it in a huff, or in a
rambling and emotional speech at the conclusion of a service. In my opinion, it
ought to be done in person via a prepared statement. Your people love you. Look
them in the eye when you tell them. Do it in person, but use a prepared
statement so you can ensure clear communication. I think it is best done at the
conclusion of the Sunday morning service. The end of a service is better than
the beginning for they will not be able to think about anything else once you
resign. Plus, you can tailor the service to help prepare them for it. Your
Sunday morning crowd is probably your largest crowd, and yet many of them will
return Sunday night. This will allow you to minister to them the same day,
softening the impact. Otherwise, you have to send them away from a service with
your resignation the last thing on their mind for days. So do it in person on
Sunday morning via prepared statement.
Third, in the message that immediately
precedes your resignation preach about trusting God. They will forget the
message when you resign but they will remember the context of the resignation
later and the message will help them.
Fourth, read your resignation at the
conclusion of the Sunday morning service. It needs to be a relatively short
(not more than a few hundred words) summation of what you told the deacons in
the prior meeting you had with them. Have your deacon chairman follow
immediately with the statement he has prepared, and then have him dismiss in
prayer.
Fifth, decide ahead of time whether
you are going to answer questions or not. I think this is an either/or kind of
thing with no middle ground. I resigned on Sunday morning, and I chose to stand
up on Sunday night and answer every possible question I could from the entire
church. I did this in public because I wanted to control the narrative of what
everyone heard, and I did it for an entire service because I wanted to get it
largely behind me and behind the church. Such things are curious combinations
of fear, worry, anger, confusion, frustration, and misunderstanding, yes, but
they are also opportunities for you to display patience, grace, and
lovingkindness. The next sentence I write is probably the most important one of
the entire blog post – the way you conduct yourself as you leave a ministry
determines whether your continued long term influence is beneficial or
problematic. Do not throw hand grenades over your shoulder as you walk out the door. At all costs, be gracious and loving. They have no idea how much
you have struggled, to get to this point or once you got to it. They do not
know your deep pain and almost certainly never will this side of Heaven. Now is
not the time to vent that. Jesus suffered the little children. Suffer God’s
children. Minister to them in your suffering and take yours later to Christ
alone. And continue in this mindset for the weeks remaining of your service to
them. It is absolutely critical.

Sixth, brace yourself and your family.
Several times in this post I have alluded to how your people will respond. I
have not undersold it. If you are a good minister of Jesus Christ your people
will love you. They will trust you. And your decision will come as a betrayal to
them. They will feel like a jilted wife, one whose husband has just told her he
is leaving. This is not rational; it is emotional. It is also eminently
understandable, or ought to be on your part. As a result, they will lash out in
numerous, sometimes contradictory ways. They will accuse you of lying in your
explanation, of being under-handed in how you have approached it, of abandoning
them, of never loving them in the first place, of hypocrisy, of hiding
something, of leaving them to flounder while you sail off on smooth seas into a
beautiful sunset. They are hurt, and hurt people hurt people. You cannot
control their response nor are you responsible for it, but you are responsible
for your own response. It will help you to respond with grace and charity and
deep patience if you and your family prepare for what is coming ahead of time.
As the weeks pass, they will go through the stages of grief and finally come to
acceptance. Do not damage your relationship with them while they are in that
process, minister to them in it.
We have spoken before in this series
of how to prepare your church for your resignation. That context was earlier in
this transition process, before they were aware of it. Now your resignation is
open and public. How do you lead your church well in the weeks you have left?
What should you do? How do you prepare your church for its future after you
have resigned? That is the subject of next week’s blog post.
See you all then.