My Wife Left Me

 Suffering 16

Note: After today's post, I will take my customary winter break. I will continue this series on suffering in January. Along the way, in this series, I have tried to bring you some real life stories, people whom I know have suffered, and done so with grace. Today's post is one of those. I cannot tell you the author. I will tell you I have known him for many years; he has suffered with grace. May the Lord use this grace to minister to you.

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What do you do when you are in full-time ministry and life throws you a curveball?

Some years ago my wife left me. As a man in full time ministry, not much else can derail your life like being rejected by your spouse. I could fill pages explaining my story, but instead of going through all the details and trying to prove anything, I want to simply share with you three major lessons that I learned through trials.

We are not as great as we think we are.

Proverbs 11:2 “When pride cometh, then cometh shame: but with the lowly is wisdom.”

The truth is we NEED to get knocked down sometimes. When everything is going well and we are accomplishing big things, we start to subtly get arrogant and depend on ourselves instead of depending on God. I had a measure of influence. I was given the opportunity to preach in some large churches and rubbed shoulders with some of the “big” names.

Nothing wrong with that influence, but, boy is it easy to start thinking we have it all figured out. 

My wife leaving me, revealed some areas that needed work in my life that I would never have noticed without being knocked down.

The blessing of trials is that it brings humility and increased dependance on God.

God is enough.

2 Corinthians 12:9 “And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”

I felt like my life was over. I didn’t know how to go on. There is a stigma that weighs heavily on every divorced man or woman, especially in our ranks as independent Baptists.. 

They say a man used to be a drunk.

They say a man used to be immoral.

They say a man used to be violent.

For every other failure, we typically offer forgiveness, however when someone is divorced, there is always a cloud of suspicion placed over him or her.

My heart still passionately wanted to serve God. I knew things would be different, but I was determined, however it looked, I was still going to serve the Lord when the dust settled.

I thought about David. He desired to rebuild the temple. God told him no, he was a man of war and was not the right man for the job.

I imagine that hurt David, a man after God’s heart.

It is hard to be told no. Especially when your heart is sincere. David, however, determined that if he couldn’t build the temple, he could prepare the way for someone else.

Even if he couldn’t be “top dog” he was going to do something.

Whatever trial you face and whatever or whoever has hurt you, there is a place of service for you. You do not have to shrink into oblivion. You do not have to hide in the shadows.

The people and connections that I lost were not the reasons why I entered ministry. I answered a call from God and His Word. While, like David, things might look different in HOW I serve, I was called by God and MUST serve. 

I lost a lot. I lost friends, I lost support, I lost influence… Not to mention I lost my wife and had to fight for a reasonable custody agreement. It was humbling, humiliating and looong…. 

I never lost my relationship with God… and that is enough.

You will smile again. Psalms 30:5b “Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.”

After my wife left, I needed help and counsel as much as ever. I am thankful I had Godly men in my life who could help me make some important decisions. It is just about impossible to think clearly when your world is turned upside down.

The pastor who had performed my marriage ceremony was very kind to me. He sympathized with me and then said these simple words, “You will smile again.”

I sure didn’t feel true. I felt like I was just existing, just trying to survive. He has no idea how much I needed that statement that day. It took time, years in fact. Some things are still hard.

In all of that, God has been faithful. He is in the restoration business. He can give you a life of value and purpose again.

I am now years out. God has given me a family schedule that is workable, a ministry that is pressing forward, great people all around me and hope for the future.

If you are dealing with a life altering change, look up and look forward, God is not done with you.

The Beauty of Suffering

 

Suffering 15

 

          The last time I spoke to him was a week ago. The last message I received from him ended with him saying, “I look forward to meeting you and sharing a meal together.” I will not speak to him again this side of Glory. The first meal we share will be the Marriage Supper of the Lamb. Just a few short days ago, an Iraqi militia bracketed his car in Baghdad, poured bullets into it, and ushered him violently into eternity. Cut down in the prime of life just as his ministry was beginning to bear fruit, his wife suddenly widowed and his children fatherless, ‘tis tempting indeed to scream “Why?!” at the God who allowed it.

          One of the primary reasons I am writing this blog series on suffering is an attempt to prove that there are answers to these heart-rending questions. I have already given you several – suffering is consequence, suffering is judgment, and suffering is the school that forms us into the image of Christ. Additionally, suffering is necessary if free will is to exist. Today, we come to a superior reason for the existence of suffering: God uses it to produce or create good, something better than would have otherwise existed.

          We see this both directly and indirectly in the Word of God. Directly, it can be found in the well-known Romans 8.28. And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. Was Stephen Troell called according to His purpose? Assuredly. Then will God somehow use even this brutal evil to produce good? Just as assuredly.

“All things” here implies not just things we instinctively view as good but also those things that are arguably not good. I propose it would even include things that are inarguably not good. In some way, though God does not create evil in the sense of sinful evil, He uses even the devil’s vicious hatred and desire to inflict harm to produce something truly beautiful. I say again, suffering is beautiful.

Indirectly, we can see via Paul’s wondrous soliloquy on his thorn in the flesh.

2 Corinthians 12:7–10

7 And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure.

8 For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me.

9 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.

          The thorn, sent directly from Satan to buffet him, instead produced new strength as the power of Christ rested upon him.

          The devil is a pervert. By that, I mean he twists things out of their intended path in order to harm God. He does it with sexuality, most obviously, but in a myriad of other ways as well. Yet he never succeeds in accomplishing his evil intent for God does it right back to him. God takes the devil’s purpose or aim and twists it to produce or create some good that otherwise would not have existed.

“Power” in the above passage is similar to influence in the original language. Satan’s attack only increased or furthered Paul’s influence for Christ. It deepened Paul as a Christian and caused his impact to widen in its scope. “Strength” here means able or competent. It speaks to an increase in skill and thus an ability to do more. Satan’s attack made Paul a better leader, pastor, mentor, friend, writer, soul winner, and Christian. The devil’s intent brought suffering to Paul and from that suffering God created something good. Is not that beautiful?

Aside from our Saviour, what biblical character suffered the most? Many people would say Job did. Yet look what Job’s suffering – directly instigated by Satan – produced: the first book of the Bible penned. The comfort that has thus flowed from Job’s suffering is literally indescribable in its extent.

          Let us turn, once again, to Christ. The devil attacked Him with all the fury at Hell’s command. Yet what was the result? Christ’s suffering produced the devil’s own destruction, humanity’s redemption, indeed, the redemption of the cosmos itself and the end of sin. The devil’s intent brought suffering to Christ and from that suffering God created something good.

          We see this most explicitly, perhaps, aside from Christ in the life of Joseph. Years after his enslaved and imprisoned years he said to his brothers, But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save much people alive. (Genesis 50.20) The devil’s intent lashed Joseph’s soul with pain yet from the pain God created something good.

          In each of these cases – Paul, Job, Jesus, and Joseph – we see that the person in question experienced deep suffering but the good that resulted went much further than just them. It was a good that passed through them on to others.

          So often, we make the Job mistake; we view suffering only or primarily through the lens of ourselves. “I suffered. I did not get better. Nothing got better for me.” I would disagree with that for when God enrolled you in the school of suffering He gave you a golden opportunity to grow into His image. But setting that aside, your personal advantage is not the point. It is not about you.

          There is nothing selfish about Christianity, including suffering and God’s use of that suffering in my life. I do not suffer for me; I suffer for you. Through my suffering, I minister or transfer the good that God is creating. I do not mean this unkindly, but it is not about you so stop measuring it with your measuring stick. It is about God’s work through you benefiting others.

          I can show you this in a thousand ways in real life. In 1994, a sex offender unknowingly moved in across the street from an innocent family. In his vile sin, he killed a girl in that family, a seven year old known as Megan. And Megan’s Law has saved how many lives in the decades since? C. H. Spurgeon, that prince of preachers, became too sick to pastor or preach for lengthy periods of time. Much of his writing, including the matchless commentary on the Psalms, The Treasury of David, was produced in such times. My last book, Next, was directly birthed as a result of a painfully long delayed transition from one pastorate to the next. If everything I had planned had come off smoothly that book would not exist. Leaf through a hymnal at church and you will discover a multitude of songs birthed through the writer’s suffering. “It is Well with My Soul” was the result of the drowning of the author's four daughters. “What a Friend We Have in Jesus” was written after the death of the author’s fiancé. “No One Ever Cared for Me Like Jesus” was produced by a man determined to follow the Lord’s will even though his wife left him over it. And I could go on and on and on.

          I can hear his words now, the smile in his voice, the love in his heart, as he said at the end of that last two minute Signal message, “I look forward to meeting you and sharing a meal together”, a voice stilled forever via an angry Muslim’s bullet. I have wept much this week thinking of his children now fatherless, his wife a widow, and his converts at the mercy of the wolves around them. Yet in that sorrow I know this deep in my soul – God is at work. Yes, God is at work, and with this suffering He will produce something breathtakingly beautiful in its goodness.

          I say again, suffering is beautiful.

The Marriage of Free Will and Suffering

 

Suffering 14

 

          Five years ago this weekend, on a peaceful Sunday morning, a demonically inspired man in Sutherland, Texas, picked up his rifle, and walked into the Baptist church his in-laws attended. Rapidly firing, he murdered 26 people and wounded 20 more before eventually killing himself at the end of the ensuing car chase.

          Why did God let that happen? Why did He allow His own children, in the middle of a church service, to be gunned down in cold blood? Why did He not stop it? What good is God is He cannot or does not protect His own people from such evil brutality?

          Before I offer you a reason let me briefly mention a wrong answer or two. Some men proffer that the shooting in Sutherland Springs happened because God is incapable of protecting His own. Why is this a wrong answer? Because to assert it makes God less than God, and it flies in the face of plain biblical teaching and example.

          We see this clearly in the crucifixion of God’s own Son, Jesus. It did not happen because the Father was unable to stop unpleasant earthly events. Thinkest thou that I cannot now pray to my Father, and he shall presently give me more than twelve legions of angels? (Matthew 26.53) God is all-powerful. He could have, if He chose, stopped this evil in its tracks and preserved the lives and happiness of His children in Sutherland Springs, Texas.

          Other people suggest this happened to them because God was punishing them. Such an insinuation places the suggesters within the orbit of Job’s friends, who insisted the bad in Job’s life was a result of his sin. To the contrary, Jesus makes it clear that we cannot look a the circumstantial events of a person’s life and declare they happened as punishment for some hidden sin. And his disciples asked him, saying, Master, who did sin, this man, or his parents, that he was born blind? Jesus answered, Neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should be made manifest in him. (John 9.2-3)

          So if the above two attempts to answer the question are wrong what is the right answer? Permit me to make four statements in response.

          First, God made us with a free will. And the Spirit and the bride say, Come. And let him that heareth say, Come. And let him that is athirst come. And whosoever will, let him take the water of life freely. (Revelation 22.17) Unequivocally, God has the power to force Himself on anyone. He has the power of a Creator. He has the power of omnipotence. He has the power of omniscience. He has the power of eternity. He has the power of omnipresence. Yet He chose not to force Himself upon us. He chose not to create robots; He chose to create us in His image and equip us with a will that is free.

          Second, God made us with a free will so that we would willingly choose to love and serve Him. Moses instructed his readers, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might. (Deuteronomy 6.5) Jesus constantly reiterated the same. And it is not real love if it is forced love. Nor is it real service if it is forced service, as Joshua reveals. It requires conscious, unhindered choice. And if it seem evil unto you to serve the Lord, choose you this day whom ye will serve. (Joshua 24.15)

          Slaves serve because they do not have a choice. My God wants sons, not slaves. And if we are going to enter His service, even to the extent of viewing ourselves as His slave, He wants it to be our idea. He desires it to be motivated not by force but by a heart love that constrains us to give our lives for him. Our God does not break down the door of our heart; He humbly knocks and asks admission. (Revelation 3.20)

          Third, allowing us a free will must mean allowing people to go against Him, including in some very bad ways. The proof of this point is the existence of Satan, the very motivating force behind every tragedy ever since. For thou hast said in thine heart, I will ascend into heaven, I will exalt my throne above the stars of God: I will sit also upon the mount of the congregation, in the sides of the north: I will ascend above the heights of the clouds; I will be like the most High. (Isaiah 14.13-14)   

          If I want you love me from your heart I have to let you hate me if that is what you choose. I cannot give you a free will and then control its exercise. I can persuade. I can reason. I can motivate. I can influence. But I cannot force you to go against your will. Ergo, I am going to regularly experience what it is like for people to go against my will.

          This is God’s self-chosen existence. He could make us do all that He desires but He does not. So we do some very, very bad things, including things that hurt other people God loves.

          Fourth, somehow, though all of this is true, Scripture also reveals a God whose sovereignty is intact. Surely the wrath of man shall praise thee: The remainder of wrath shalt thou restrain. (Psalm 76.10)

          “Pastor Brennan, you are arguing against yourself.” No, I am telling you what God said even if I cannot adequately explain it. God gave us a genuinely free will, yet He retains His sovereignty. Like with the Trinity, I do not have to understand the complexities of this doctrine in order to believe it.

          The reality of this is seen in the absolute fact that every knee will bow to Him eventually. He may let us defy Him for a little while, but at some point His patience will be at an end. His longsuffering is long but it is not eternal suffering. He will be obeyed. He will be worshipped. How much better to do so now, voluntarily, from a heart of love? Neglect the opportunity you are given by His grace now and you will be dragged there in chains, if need be.

          The reality of a free will requires the existence of suffering. That is (one reason) why horror was visited on the saints in Sutherland Springs, Texas, five years ago this weekend.