Saturday, March 16, 2024

Marriage Is a Team

 

Marriage 6

 


 

          It is not good for man to be alone. It is really not good for a man to be alone when he is in a marriage. In fact, it is a crying tragedy. Yet it happens more often than we like to admit. And every time we see it, we know we are seeing an exhibition of a marriage God did not design. Why? Because God designed marriage to be a team.

          This is exemplified most clearly in a particular New Testament couple, Aquila and Priscilla. We meet them by way of Paul in Acts 18. He comes across them first in Corinth (Acts 18.1-2) and is drawn to them because they share an occupation, tent-making. Later in the same chapter, we meet Apollos, an eloquent man and mighty in the Scriptures. (Acts 18.25) The problem is that Apollos was preaching John's baptism of repentance, looking forward to a coming Messiah. He should have been preaching Jesus. The Lord kindly sent him a couple of teachers. Whom when Aquila and Priscilla had heard, they took him unto them, and expounded unto him the way of God more perfectly. (Acts 18.26)  

          Something is fascinating here in a marriage context. Every-single-time they are mentioned in Scripture, by name or pronoun, they are together. Every single time. (Acts 18.2, 18.3, 18.18, 18.19, 18.20, 18.21, 18.26, Romans 16.3, I Corinthians 16.19, II Timothy 4.19) The Scripture tells us they worked together, traveled together, lived together, went to church together, converted together, studied theology together, and taught together. He did not build a ministry over here while she lived a separate life over there. They did it together.

          I think I understand that. Mandy and I serve the Lord together. I am a pastor, which means I do everything except work in the nursery and play the piano. She does those two, in addition to organizing ladies' activities, goes soul winning weekly, trains new soul winners, leads our homeschool group, does discipleship with me, does marital counseling with me, sings in the choir, decorates the auditorium, manages our prophet's chamber, teaches Sunday School periodically, sings special music with me and others, visits with me, and plans church activities with me. I do not have a separate life from her; she does not have a separate life from me. We serve the Lord together. At times, we have considered converting to Pentecostalism. Then, at least, we could get two salaries instead of one. <grin>

          Please do not misunderstand me. Every couple has a marriage dynamic that makes sense to you. I am not saying that your wife has to do with you everything my wife does with me. Nor am I saying that this alone is the answer to making a great marriage. But I am saying that there is a clear biblical example of one couple who were an awesome team. Together.

          This is one reason I have sought to move our church gradually toward using married couples together for ministry. Teach a class together. Go soul winning together. Be responsible for a service commitment together. Visit the shut-ins together. I do not want ministry service to impact the families in our church negatively. I try to be careful of what I ask with that in mind. But the solution is not to not serve God because of family commitments; it is to incorporate your family into your service to God.

          Of course, this is not applicable only to ministry. I am thinking right now of a dairy farmer of my acquaintance. He and his wife worked together for decades building their business. Many small businesses are like that, husband and wife laboring together, often with a child or three thrown into the mix as time goes along. I think we could make a decent argument that America was a better place when families worked together more than they do now.

          "Next thing you'll say, Pastor Brennan, is that we're even supposed to go bowling together. That's too much for a body to take." Yes. And no. It would be great if you joined a bowling league or a gardening club together. But, no, I am not saying you have to be together 24/7. I am saying your marriage should function as a team; that is how God designed it.

          If you want to be alone, then be alone. But if you get married, do not be alone. Be together.

Marriage is a team.

Saturday, March 9, 2024

Marriage Is a Friendship

 

Marriage 5

 

          We have, perhaps unknowingly, accepted a warped view of marriage from our experience, our upbringing, our friends, and our culture. Thus, I am taking substantial time at the beginning of this series to emphasize how God views marriage. Because as God views marriage, we ought to view marriage.

          To that end, a brief but essential thought today: God views marriage as a friendship. In a passage in which he was rebuking Israel's leadership for their failing homes, Malachi tells us as much. Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the Lord hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant. (Malachi 2.14)  Solomon agrees, imparting the same sentiment to the wife in his story, though in reverse. His mouth is most sweet: yea, he is altogether lovely. This is my beloved, and this is my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem. (Song of Solomon 5.16)

          Friends are the family you pick. They are the ones we choose to spend time with, choose to place ourselves under obligation to, and choose to mingle our lives with. The resulting friendships, carried along on streams of affection and loyalty, enrich our lives for years, sometimes decades.

          My point here is this: the friend relationship was the first one you had with each other; add to that, do not replace it.

          It is easy, in marriage, to allow all the subsequent relationships to absorb or overtake that initial relationship. First, he was your friend, but then he became your lover, your provider, your maintenance man, and your co-parent. Reacting to each of those relationships takes time and focus, and in the process of learning to manage these and other aspects of the marriage relationship, all too often, the friendship is lost.

          I have long ago forgotten where I read this, but I remember it well nevertheless. The husband was discussing his marriage of twenty-five years or thereabouts. They had lived together as man and wife, kept the wolf away from the door, and raised children with all the grief and joy and prayer that entails. He said, “I looked up from my morning coffee over my newspaper and realized I didn’t know the woman sitting across from me at the breakfast table anymore.” Life happened. And in the process, friendship died.

          Sadly, such stories are not uncommon. We all know couples who were together for decades and then divorced. “We just grew apart,” they inevitably say. The question then before us is how do we prevent that from happening to us. Here again, I believe Scripture has the answer. A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother. (Proverbs 18.24)

One of the most important foundational truths about marriage is you must be constantly moving toward each other. Move towards each other physically. Be in the same space. Move towards each other emotionally. Seek to understand how the other thinks and feels and why they do. Move towards each other financially. Mingle your lives together, support each other’s dreams. Move towards each other chronologically. Adjust whatever is necessary for you to adjust to spend time together. I could go on, but you get my drift, I think.

          Friendships may happen spontaneously, but they are not maintained spontaneously, especially when the relationship becomes complicated by the myriad of aspects included in a long-lasting marriage. In this environment, friendships are only maintained by showing yourself as friendly, to use the biblical phrase. Do what friends do. Be interested in their lives. Hang out together. Cultivate enjoyment in each other's company. Do not just love them; like them.

          Too many marriages become a business relationship. Schedule dominates while emotional connection evaporates. You wake up one day, and it dawns on you that you are just strangers who share a common history with all the accompanying entanglements.

          God designed marriage as a companionship first, or perhaps I should say, foundationally. Underneath everything else you two do and are is friendship. Whatever you place above that is dependent on that foundation. Marry your best friend, yes. And then stay married to your best friend. 

   

Sunday, March 3, 2024

Marriage Is a Comfort

 

Marriage 4

 

          In beginning this series on marriage, I have attempted to emphasize God's view of marriage. This is because our view of marriage is often faulty, formed through some less-than-ideal manner. Thus far, we have noted that God's original intent for marriage was to banish loneliness, establish sweet intimacy, and for the wife to be her husband's helpmeet. Building off that, we saw that God views marriage as a commitment last time. Today, we will discover that God views marriage as a comfort.

          Numerous jokes imply that the marriage state is a painful one. Even an incomplete search for such things quickly yields finds such as these:

“My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.”

-Rodney Dangerfield

“Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water. After you get used to it, it ain't so hot.”

-Minnie Pearl

"I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her."

-Rodney Dangerfield

"The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open."

-Groucho Marx

“Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.”

-Henny Youngman

“Alimony - The ransom that the happy pay to the devil.”

-H.L. Mencken

"My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe."

-Jimmy Durante

"I never married because I have three pets at home that answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night."

-Marie Corelli

“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.”

-Henny Youngman

“If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married.”

-Katharine Hepburn

"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late."

-Max Kauffmann

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."

-Henny Youngman

          I confess I am probably guilty of exploiting the subject of marriage for a cheap laugh or two myself, but the scriptural truth is that marriage is not a life sentence; it is a comfort. My wife is not "the old ball and chain" or "the battle axe." Your husband is not the dreamboat that became a shipwreck. Marriage is not an instrument of medieval torture akin to the rack; it is a beautiful tapestry woven of threads of cheerfulness, contentment, enjoyment, happiness, peace, pleasure, rest, satisfaction, and warmth.

          We see examples of this in Scripture on the positive and negative sides. Isaac found solace in his marriage to Rebekah. And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah’s tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her: and Isaac was comforted after his mother’s death. (Genesis 24.67) Job, on the other hand, found added misery in his marriage. And he took him a potsherd to scrape himself withal; and he sat down among the ashes. Then said his wife unto him, Dost thou still retain thine integrity? curse God, and die. (Job 2.8-9)

          I know what it is like to walk in the door of my home at night, weary and burdened with the cares of the day. In Eddy Arnold's immortal words, I want someone to "make the world go away, and get it off my shoulders; say the things you used to say, and make the world go away." And this is precisely what my family, led by my wife, does. I am home, the world is shut out, and nothing else matters. Mandy is my Rebekah.

          Did you know that you are supposed to enjoy your marriage? Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all the days of the life of thy vanity, which he hath given thee under the sun. (Ecclesisates 9.9) Did you know God describes marriage as a good thing? Whose findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord. (Proverbs 18.22) Marriage is not an institution of suffering. Marriage is not a looming disaster on the horizon. It is a joyful, peaceful, blessed, good thing created by God for the comfort of men and women. In fact, God views marriage as a bit of Heaven on Earth. In Matthew 9.15, 22.9, and 25.1, Jesus repeatedly equates the kingdom of God to marriage. This is later expanded on in Revelation repeatedly.

Re 19:7  Let us be glad and rejoice, and give honour to him: for the marriage of the Lamb is come, and his wife hath made herself ready.

Re 19:9  And he saith unto me, Write, Blessed are they which are called unto the marriage supper of the Lamb. And he saith unto me, These are the true sayings of God.

Re 21:2  And I John saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down from God out of Heaven, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband.

Re 21:9  And there came unto me one of the seven angels which had the seven vials full of the seven last plagues, and talked with me, saying, Come hither, I will shew thee the bride, the Lamb’s wife.

Re 22:17  And the Spirit and the bride say, Come. And let him that heareth say, Come. And let him that is athirst come. And whosoever will, let him take the water of life freely.


          Marriage is such a great blessing that when God wanted something to compare the joy and blessing of an eternity in Heaven to on an earthly scale, He chose marriage.

          Some of us have become so colored by our past experiences or the prevailing culture of our day that we have trouble wrapping our minds around this. I am not denying that a good marriage takes incredible hard work. I am not denying there is often pain in marriage. I do not deny that every marriage comprises two imperfect, selfish people. But I am denying that our view of marriage ought to be negative.

          Often, all that is necessary for real change is to change your attitude about something. Many years ago, before Mandy and I had children, I said something to the effect that I thought newborn babies were ugly. She did not berate me. Instead, she looked at me and said simply, "You won't think that about your own babies." Nor did I. Now, to me, all newborns are beautiful. They did not change, but my attitude toward them did.

          When my attitude changed, what was once distasteful to me became a marvel of joy, beauty, and blessing. If your view of marriage is a negative one, I urge you to trade in your view of marriage for God's view of marriage.

Mandy and I are on our wedding day.

          Do you remember how you felt the day you got married? A little nervous. A little excited. A lot happy. Which is a bridegroom coming out of his chamber, and rejoiceth as a strong man to run a race. (Psalm 19.5) Recapture that. Look at your marriage like God looks at your marriage. It is a good thing designed by Him to bless and comfort you.

          Change your mind. Rejoice in your marriage.

Sunday, February 25, 2024

Marriage Is a Commitment

 

Marriage 3


          It is inarguable that our society's concept of marriage is enormously flawed. But society's idea of marriage is but the individual's concept of marriage writ large. This is one of the primary reasons such things need to be discussed in print and in person. Far too many people get their concept of marriage from a faulty source – their parent's marriage, their friend's marriage, how the media portrays marriage, their own experience, etc. Our philosophy of marriage ought to instead be driven by the Word of God. And as the Scripture informs our marriage, it will also, in turn, transform our marriage.

          Last week, we saw God's original intent for marriage, which was to have three purposes: a sweet intimacy, to banish loneliness, and for the wife to help her husband. Today, we will see that God views marriage as a commitment. We find this in I Corinthians 7.10-11. And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.

          Discussing divorce is like driving through a minefield blindfolded. There are bound to be explosions. But we cannot discuss marriage and avoid the topic. The balance of Scripture shows us that while divorce is allowed in certain circumstances, God's desire is for us to remain married. Words mean things, and the words with which we wed are no exception. Marriage is a commitment.

          “Yes, but God does allow divorce.”

          Agreed.

Matthew 19.3 The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?

4  And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female,

5  And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?

6  Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

7  They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away?

8  He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.

9  And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.

          David Smith gives us some helpful context here in his 1911 work, The Days of His Flesh:

The Mosaic Law permitted divorce when a wife proved faithless; but the Rabbinical interpreters after their wont disputed over this enactment. The school of Shammai, adhering to the letter of the Law, held that a wife should not be divorced except for unfaithfulness; whereas the school of Hillel, with a laxity very agreeable to the general inclination, allowed a husband to put away his wife "for every cause" - if he disliked her, if he fancied another woman more, if her cookery were not to his taste. The doctrine of Hillel was the common practice in our Lord's day, and it operated disastrously. It violated the sanctity of domestic life; and there is a hideous passage in the Talmud which shows what havoc it make of the obligations of morality. It was customary for a Rabbi of the school of Hillel, when he visited a strange town, to make public advertisement for a woman who would serve as his wife during his sojourn there. It was an inhuman system and inflicted cruel wrong upon womankind. It put the wife at her husband's mercy. She could not divorce him, but for any whim he might divorce her and cast her upon the world.

          To this, the 1930s era Southern Baptist John Shepard agrees, writing in his work, Christ of the Gospels:

The school of Hillel said it was lawful "for every cause," even for the most trivial offenses. The Jewish woman could not divorce her husband, as could the Roman and Greek women; but the man could put his wife away for almost any senseless excuse. They took the words: "the matter of shame" in Deuteronomy, in the widest possible sense: if "she found no favour in his eyes," or "he found another woman more attractive" - which sounds modern enough - he could put her away. Many specific offenses were enumerated, such as going public with uncovered head, entering into conversation with other men, speaking disrespectfully of the husband's parents in his presence, burning the bread, being quarrelsome or troublesome, getting a bad reputation or being childless (for ten years). The school of Hillel had prevailed, and there was great general moral laxity now. The Mosaic law really permitted divorce only for the cause of unfaithfulness, but the popular conception among the Jews at the time of Jesus was that of the Rabbinical interpreters of the school of Hillel. Women had become mere chattel of man, subject to his inhuman and cruel treatment. The Pharisees well understood that if Jesus took the side of Shammai or the stricter view of divorce, He would alienate a greater part of the multitude.

          The Pharisees in this passage were attempting to chip away at Jesus' popularity by forcing Him to take a strict stand on divorce publicly. Jesus, of course, could have easily outwitted their conversational trap if He so desired. We know this, for He often did in other contexts. Yet in this one, our Lord chose to answer plainly, knowing his answer would be unpopular. In other words, He felt strongly enough about this to lose a verbal skirmish with the Pharisees and take a hit in the people's minds.

          Does God allow divorce? Yes, but only for sexual infidelity.

          Does God allow divorce? Yes, but He does not desire you to divorce, no matter the reason; He only allows such because of the hardness of your heart. In other words, it is plain and clear to me that God views marriage as an irrevocable commitment rather than a temporary election. In the first mention of marriage, we looked at the last time we saw this in the use of the word "cleave" in Genesis 2. It does not mean separate, i.e., a cleaver. It means to be joined fast together, i.e. welded. You weld two metals together if you are looking for a permanent union, one that will endure under the most harrowing circumstances.

          Put another way round, marriage is more covenant than contract. A contract can be broken with no more fuss than a financial penalty, perhaps. A covenant in the biblical context was almost always irrevocable. In God's view, marriage is a covenant decision whose permanence is essential to producing godly children.

Malachi 2.13  And this have ye done again, covering the altar of the LORD with tears, with weeping, and with crying out, insomuch that he regardeth not the offering any more, or receiveth it with good will at your hand.

14  Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant.

15  And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth.

16  For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously.

          In my experience, there are two different responses from Christians at this point. I should say rather that this teaching exposes two different kinds of Christians. The first kind is Christians who search the Bible to see precisely what God allows so that they may live right up to the edge of that which is permissible. Their approach can be summed up with the immortal question, "But what's wrong with…?" Anything not ruled out is thus fair game.

          The second type of Christian responds to the exact same scenarios with an entirely different question: "But what is right with…?" Such Christians do not want to know what God will let them get away with; instead, their heartbeat is to discover what God wants and give it to Him. After all, when you love someone, you do not seek to establish how much you can get away with. No, your goal is to ascertain their slightest wish so that you can grant it to them as an expression of your love. 

          As of this writing, I have pastored for twenty-seven years. In that time, I have never advised any couple to get divorced. Why? Because I understand that divorce is not what God wants, even if it is what He allows in limited circumstances. Why? I think there are several answers here. Pragmatically speaking, contemplating divorce undermines the total commitment essential to being a good partner. Pictorially, divorce ruins the frame God seeks to place around marriage, that of Christ's relationship to the local church. Additionally, divorce produces a severe negative impact on the ability of the father and mother to raise a godly seed.

          Regardless of whether I am correct in my analysis of God's position on divorce, it cannot be argued that a sense of commitment is the very ground on which a stable marriage is built. We are fallible, changeable, malleable, temporary creatures. We must hem in the emotional roller coaster of our whims with the iron rails of the marital vow.

          What is marriage? It is many things, but first, it is this: commitment.

 

 

When I quote the vows for young people as they are getting married, there is not a single statement that is based on bargaining, agreement, or contract; it is a commitment.

- Jack Hyles, Marriage Is A Commitment

 

Sunday, February 18, 2024

Marriage: God's Original Intent

 

Marriage 2

 

And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof. And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him. And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

Genesis 2.18-25

 

 

          In jurisprudence, the doctrine of original intent asserts that in interpreting legal texts, one should seek to understand and apply the original purposes or meanings intended by the authors of the law. For example, it comes up significantly in the context of the United States Constitution. Any document can be interpreted spiritually or loosely, and thus, the entire intent – there's the word – of the document is ruined. Original intent fences in those interpretations and thus preserves the result within boundaries deemed best when the document was birthed.

          I do not believe in evolution; I believe in Creation. As such, I do not believe marriage as an institution is an evolved social construct. It was designed and created by God to accomplish certain purposes. What were those purposes? What was God's original intent? If I can answer these questions right, I can build a marriage that accomplishes what God intended for it to accomplish.

          What are they then?

God’s Original Intent Was a Marriage of Sweet Intimacy

          I read Joseph P. Lash's 1972 biography of Franklin and Eleanor Roosevelt some years ago. Winner of the Pulitzer Prize and the National Book Award, “Eleanor and Franklin” is a highly regarded dissection of their lives as they intersected with one another, of their marriage, essentially. And it is a sad book. As a younger man, Franklin developed a long-term adulterous relationship, and though he eventually broke it off, the impact on Eleanor was enormous. They remained together for the sake of politics, but as their professional success grew, their marriage deteriorated. At Hyde Park, they lived in different houses. In the White House, Eleanor kept her lover ensconced in a hideaway bedroom. She threw herself into her charitable work. He rescued the country from the Depression and the world from war. There was no joy, no fun, no union, no intimacy, no life of any kind at all together.

          I have also known of some Christian marriages like that.

          This is not how God designed marriage. What He intended was a mingling of each partner's life with the other to the point that you cannot tell where one ends and the other begins. Where there used to be two, now there is only one. It is not to be his life and her life; it is to be their life.

          Five months before I got married, I was sitting one day at my perch by the front door of Toyota Youngstown. There was not a customer within a mile. I had recently gotten engaged. Thinking about Mandy and our upcoming marriage, I picked up a pen and a piece of paper and composed the following:

Sonnet XI

I want my life to merge with my dear Man,

To twine itself around her own until

Others looking closely at us will

Not tell where she would end and I begin.

I want, to name a word I oft have used

To mesh with her, to join, to be, to blend

So tightly, nothing can be used to rend

A seamless union, welded, melded, fused.

Often in my daily chosen path

I meet with those who in unseemly wrath

Have severed lives not meant to be apart

Because they did it wrong right from the start.

Let us be together fifty years

Transformed so that our twain as one appears.

          Please understand me here. I am not saying my marriage is a shining example of this, though I seek to move toward my wife constantly. But if your partner, in contrast, is lazy, unspiritual, or selfish, you may need to endure your marriage, but that was not God's original intent. It was that the two of you would be so close to each other that there would not be two any longer, just one.

God’s Original Intent Was a Marriage That Banished Loneliness

          In the first chapter of Genesis, seven times, we find the phrase, it was good. In the very next chapter, we see the term, it is not good. What was not good? A man alone.

          I know some precious single adults, good Christians who love the Lord and who struggle with loneliness. I do not fault them for it. But there should not be a single, married individual who does; God designed marriage to eliminate the hollow pain of loneliness.

          In our culture, we choose a partner by dating. What is dating? I defined it in a recent blog series on the subject as any specific period in which the two of you are purposely getting together to enjoy each other's company, get to know each other better, and pay attention to each other. Marriage follows when two people have dated well enough long enough to say, "Let's just stay together all the time." 

          Cohabiting, as it is termed these days, is fornication. No Christian should ever enter into such an arrangement. Before marriage, then, you are always saying goodbye to one another. The more you grow together as a couple, the more those goodbyes bother you. You want nothing more than to be together.

          I have a distinct memory in connection with this. I was sitting in the front seat of my 1991 Honda Prelude, top down, entering a tight onramp on the Pennsylvania expressway. It was a warm, sunny December afternoon. My bride was seated beside me; her wedding gown puffed up all around her. And I thought, "I do not have to drop her off anywhere. How wonderful is this?"

          Now, before you say to yourself, "I sure hope my partner will read this because I'm lonely," I want you to ask yourself a question, namely this: Is my partner lonely? I am not saying you have to be together 24/7, but I am saying that there ought to be a deep sense of companionship, partnership, and togetherness in your marriage.

          We are social creatures. Solitary confinement is our worst form of living punishment. Do not sentence your partner to a lonely, solitary existence. Such is not God’s intent for your marriage.

God’s Original Intent Was for the Wife to Help Her Husband

          Political correctness and what is societally acceptable at the moment have no part in the framing of this following sentence. God designed man to serve Him; God designed woman to serve man. God put Adam in the Garden of Eden to dress it and keep it. (Genesis 2.15) God put Eve in Adam’s life to be an help meet. (Genesis 2.18) The animals were not suited to help Adam accomplish his service to God, but Eve was. In other words, God told Adam what God wanted Adam to do in serving Him. Adam could not get it all done or all done correctly by himself. Adam tried to enlist the animals, but they were not suited to help him. So God gave Adam a helper exactly suited to Adam's needs – Eve.

          Allow me to reach to another God-designed institution, the church, to illustrate this. God gave the pastor to the church to shepherd the people. God gave the deacon to the pastor to help him shepherd the people. The best description of a deacon is that he is the pastor's helper. In whatever way the pastor needs help, the deacon should structure his life to help the pastor do his job. Does God love the pastor more than the deacon? Of course not. Are they both equal in the sight of God? Of course. But one was designed to serve the church, and the other was designed to serve the one serving the church.

          Wife, in what areas does your husband want your help? How does he want you to perform that help? Ask yourself those questions, seek the answers, apply what you discover, and you will fulfill God's original intent for your marriage. Husband, in what areas has God asked you to serve Him? How does He want you to perform that service? Ask yourself those questions, seek the answers, apply what you discover, and enlist your wife alongside you, and you will fulfill God's original intent for your marriage. 

          The most miserable person you know is the most selfish person you know. And the more selfish your approach to marriage is, the more miserable your marriage will be. A husband will only find satisfaction, contentment, and deep happiness if he gives himself to serving God as God wants to be served. A wife will only find satisfaction, contentment, and deep happiness as she gives herself to helping her husband as he desires to be helped.

          This is God’s original intent.