Marriage Myths: My Self-Worth = My Marriage

 

Marriage 31

 

          You are an insecure person. That is not an insult but rather a simple statement of fact. How do I know? Because you are a human being. Some of us are insecure and hide it behind a false front of machismo and bravado. Others of us are insecure yet refuse to admit it. Still others of us are insecure, and let it bleed through into our personality constantly. We call the latter drama queens. The truth is all of us are drama queens in one way or another. Some are just more visible than others.

          Disappointment often brings that insecurity to the fore. Our thinking, feelings, and even sometimes our speech and actions fall victim to it. Our inner man is always weak, yet sometimes it is weaker than at other times, or perhaps I should say more noticeably weak. We notice it. Others notice it. Sometimes both. We lose a job and cannot find another. We are forced into bankruptcy or lose a home to foreclosure. Our children rebel against us and the Lord. Our besetting sin gets the upper hand in a way that seems final. Our marriage develops serious stress fractures. Such examples could be multiplied ad infinitum. The result is an inward (and sometimes outward) "I'm a loser" type of attitude or feeling.

          The real issue will not be found in the list I just gave. The actual problem is that God never designed us to get our self-worth and emotional security from that which we personally accomplish. Nebuchadnezzar looked at the empire he built through the lens of its greatest city and uttered the infamous line, Is not this great Babylon which I have built? (Daniel 4.30) No, it was not. It was not great nor had he built it. It was temporarily impressive because the Lord had designed it to accomplish something in His purpose. And God had to take it away from him via taking him away from it in order to reveal that to him.

          God did not design us to get our self-worth from any human accomplishment or relationship; He designed us to get our self-worth and, thus, our emotional security from what He did and does for us. He made us in His own image. (Psalm 8) He valued us so highly and loved us so much He sacrificed His own Son for us. (John 3.16) I am valuable, I am worth something because I am worth something in His eyes. The proof is not that something is going right in my life; the proof is the price the Creator was willing to pay for my soul.

          What does this have to do with marriage and the home? Only everything. I am not a worthless human being if my marriage dissolves. My life is not a waste if my children rebel. Both of those will hurt indescribably should they happen to you, but they do not mean that you are a loser. You were not a winner when your marriage was sweet, and your children were obedient; you are not a loser if the opposite becomes true. You are a winner, so to speak, because you are valuable in your Lord’s eyes, made in His image, redeemed by His blood, purchased for His own purposes.

          Emotional security can only come from one source: Him. Millennia ago, the sweet psalmist of Israel expressed this truth in the broken shards of Psalm 62. My soul, wait thou only God; For my expectation is from him. Find your all in all in Him, your meaning and purpose in life, your emotional security, your expectations and fulfilments. All my springs are in thee. (Psalm 87.7)

          I am not saying the state of your marriage does not matter; it obviously does. But your self-worth is not defined by it. It is defined by Him.