Grace for Suffering

Suffering 4

Note: From time to time, as we proceed through this series on suffering, I am going to bring you the stories of some people who have suffered, stories written in their own words. Today's post is by Ben Sinclair. He has served as a missionary in Cameroon for two decades. He writes here of what his family endured around the death of fellow missionary Charles Wesco in 2018. The Sinclair family returned full time to church planting in Cameroon in 2021. 

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My family and I have been church planting missionaries to Africa for over twenty years. God has incredibly blessed us. Several years ago, we began earnestly praying that God would send us coworkers in order to further the work of the ministry on our field. In 2015, we met Charles and Stephanie Wesco. God knit our hearts and called them to labor with us in Cameroon.

During the Wescos’ deputation ministry, two of the ten regions in Cameroon made a declaration of independence, and a civil war ensued. The dangers were real, and the noise of gun battles was common. We sought the Lord for direction. We sought godly counsel. After weeks of praying, fasting, and making every preparation and policy possible to minister in a war-torn nation as safely as possible, God confirmed that He wanted us to remain in Cameroon preaching the Gospel and making disciples (Matthew 10:16).

The Wescos had to prayerfully make their decision as well. In obedience to God, Charles Wesco boarded a plane with his wife and eight children in October 2018. I was thrilled to pick them up at the airport and to welcome them “home” to Cameroon.

Just twelve days after their arrival, the unthinkable happened. On a routine trip to town, we were attacked. Brother Charles was mortally wounded by the first gunshot and was pronounced dead at the hospital. Stephanie, Charles Jr., and I were supernaturally protected and escaped from the gunshots and flying glass without even a scratch. Unexplainably, Stephanie’s window did not break from the shotgun blasts, and she walked away from the attack, though drenched from head to toe in her husband’s blood, physically uninjured. The shot headed toward me in the driver’s seat embedded in the windshield but did not pass through. The shot that passed by Brother Charles riddled his son’s seat and headrest, but Charles Jr. left the car unscathed.

As you can only imagine, we were all devastated. The military escorted our team out of the region the next day. We accompanied Stephanie and the children back to Indiana to be with her family. The suffering, doubts, and fears were terrible. We had to leave our friends, neighbors, and ministries with little more than the clothes on our backs. We did not even get to say goodbye to those with whom we had ministered, loved, and invested for so many years.

I kept blaming myself for praying for coworkers. I blamed myself for inviting the Wescos. I questioned what I could have done preceding the attack to prevent it. The nightmares were also awful. I hated going to sleep. I would wake up reliving the attack or imagining the shooters returning for me and my family time and time again.

So what happened? What did we do? We returned to our home church in Tennessee. I remember driving into the driveway of a mission house in Chattanooga. I turned around in my seat, looked at my family, and said, “I’m going to be honest with you. I have no idea what is next for us. I don’t know how long we will be staying here or where we are going next. But I promise you this. If you keep trusting and following your father, I will keep seeking, following, and trusting my Father.”

I found grace in seeking the Lord every day. Even though I was a broken man, I thank God for His precious promise to those humble and contrite enough to seek Him in their brokenness. David wrote, “The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit” (Psalm 34:18). We had our ups and downs, to be sure. However, the most significant help came from those intimate times with the Lord each morning in His Word and prayer. Healing gradually came to our family as we gathered around the coffee table each evening for family discipleship. We read, prayed, sang, and cried together in the presence of the Balm of Gilead.

I found grace in good music. I never doubted that God was real or present during those dark days, but I did argue and fight with Him. One day I was meditating on the words of a song by Ron Hamilton. It states,

I could not see through the shadows ahead;

So I looked at the cross of my Savior instead.

I bowed to the will of the Master that day;

Then peace came and tears fled away.

O Rejoice in the LORD

He makes no mistake,

He knoweth the end of each path that I take,

For when I am tried

And purified,

I shall come forth as gold.

 

I realized then that I had not bowed my will to the Master. I had taken responsibility for Brother Wesco’s death on myself. I humbly bowed my heart and confessed that I am not big, strong, or even stupid and incompetent enough to mess up God’s plan. God had a will for all of us that day. He accomplished His will despite me. The tears still flow freely from time to time, but I can honestly say with the author of the song “peace came.” I began to rejoice in the assurance that “He makes no mistake, He knoweth the end of each path that I take.” Biblical, spiritual music ministered to my soul.

I found grace in supportive friends. Of course, there were critics who said that Brother Wesco and I were fools for taking our families into a war zone in obedience to the Great Commission (Mark 16:15). Thankfully, there were many more who assured us of their love and prayers. God used believers to minister to us and to encourage us with messages and gifts. It amazes me how people going through trials often drop out of church and avoid their Christian brothers and sisters. The body of Christ was a huge help in our healing process! God also specifically used my pastor and our field administrator to listen and minister to our family.

I mentioned the nightmares. For literally months, I experienced nightmares on and off. Finally, I told a close friend who pastors one of our supporting churches that I was suffering from these reoccurring nightmares. After an evening service, he called for the men of the church to join us in a side room for a special prayer time. The men of the church surrounded me, placed their hands on my shoulders, and earnestly, tearfully prayed for my family and me. The pastor lifted his voice and asked God to deliver me from my nightmares – and He did. That prayer meeting was nearly three years ago. I can count on the fingers of one hand how many times I have woken up from nightmares since then. I thank God for friends willing to pray, encourage, sacrifice, sit with, and love those who are suffering.

I found grace in obediently serving the Lord. I vividly remember sitting on the plane as we flew back to the United States, asking the Lord, “What are You doing? You called me to be a missionary to Cameroon. Why am I on a plane flying back to the U.S.? What do You want me to do in America? God put a burden on my heart to take the testimony of Brother Wesco across America. For the next year, I preached more than 100 times in churches, schools, and Bible colleges in Maine and Florida in the East to California in the West. God saved souls. God called scores of people to missions, and God specifically called more than 20 people to step up and fill the gap in Cameroon. The first missionary family to join the ministry in Cameroon is presently on deputation. Praise the Lord!

I found grace in being thankful for my suffering. Paul wrote to the suffering, persecuted, impoverished church in Philippi. “Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God” (Philippians 4:6). Bring your burdens to God with thanksgiving? Does God expect us to thank Him for our suffering? Yes. He does.

Months after we were attacked and Brother Wesco was killed, I sat at a missions conference listening to the keynote speaker. I asked the Lord, “What am I doing at this conference? I am not preaching, and this is not one of our supporting churches.” I thought I was there to minister, but I learned that God brought me there to be ministered to. During that message, the Holy Spirit convicted me about being thankful for the tragedy that impacted our family and ministry. I had thanked God in my prayers for how He was using Brother Wesco’s death for His glory, but God wanted me to come to Him with genuine, sincere gratitude for our suffering.

I argued with God. “How can I thank you for that horrific event? How can I thank you for leaving Stephanie a widow and her eight children fatherless? How can I thank you for forcing us to leave the place and the ministry where we raised our family and invested the best years of our lives? How can I thank you for the death of my friend and coworker?” Because He said to thank Him. That’s the Christian’s duty. Believe what He says to believe, and do what He says to do (trust and obey) – despite your circumstances and feelings.

Even though I was a missionary at that conference, I was one of the first to my knees during the invitation to pour out my heart to God in prayer and supplication. I genuinely thanked God for the suffering! I immediately experienced “the peace of God, which passeth all understanding.” God promised that when you bring your burdens to Him with thanksgiving, He “shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6-7). What a powerful promise! God’s deep and enduring peace comes to thankful hearts.

I confess that my suffering is small when compared to others. I am, however, thankful that God’s grace and presence are available to every suffering saint – no matter the degree of suffering. Suffering is a part of life in this broken world. Nevertheless, grace is available through Jesus Christ to all, and glory is His goal.

“But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you. To him be glory and dominion for ever and ever. Amen.” (1 Peter 5:10-11)