Husband, Bring Your Wife Rest

 

Marriage 9

 

          Naomi makes an interesting statement about marriage in Ruth 1. I am not talking about Ruth's statement to her, which is often used in marriage ceremonies. I am talking about a previous part of Naomi's conversation with her two widowed daughters-in-law, during which she implored them to stay in Moab. And Naomi said unto her two daughters in law, Go, return each to her mother’s house: the Lord deal kindly with you, as ye have dealt with the dead, and with me. The Lord grant you that ye may find rest, each of you in the house of her husband. Then she kissed them; and they lifted up their voice, and wept. (Ruth 1.8-9) Ruth would, in the house of Boaz. Here, we see an underrated aspect of a husband's duties in marriage: he is to give his wife rest.

          “Fat chance, Pastor Brennan. I’ve got approximately twelve children, give or take, seventy-five loads of laundry a week, twenty-one meals a week times fourteen, and the errands and the budget to worry about. And then he expects me to homeschool on top of all that. Rest? What are you smoking?”

          I get your point, and perhaps should write something to that. But this is not that blog post or that point. I am not talking primarily about physical rest because I do not think Naomi was talking mainly about physical rest. Women who kept the home in that era did so without running water and electricity; there was precious little physical rest in that environment.

          What am I talking about then?

          Peter tells us under the inspiration of the Spirit that the wife is the weaker vessel. (I Peter 3.7) This is not her fault, as if she somehow failed to maintain her strength. God has designed her with different tolerances for different purposes than He designed the husband. In this context, it means the typical wife is not prepared to carry the load that her husband is ready to take. Not physically, primarily here, but emotionally, in the sense of stress and pressure.

Think of a pie chart for a moment. God made men with an inherent ability to compartmentalize. They can move from task to task, and as they lay down the tools for one task and pick up the tools for the next, they can usually do the same with the stresses involved. On the other hand, think of a basket in which everything has been piled together, not necessarily haphazardly, but still all in one container. This is generally how women carry things, not physically but mentally and emotionally. Whatever they have, they are carrying all of it all the time.

It is precisely here that God designed the husband to enter; her man should help her carry that basket or, better yet, prevent things from getting piled into it in the first place.

What brings stress and pressure to the wife? Every woman is an individual, and her answers to this question will reflect that, but perhaps some of these… A lack of money. Disrespectful and disobedient sons. An exceedingly busy period in her schedule. Health situations. Her own or yours. Or both. Concern for the future. And each of these could be and often is further spun out into its own plots and subplots.

In my opinion, this is why Moses gave specific instructions in Numbers 30 that a husband or father can release his wife or daughter from a vow. He knows her capacity and what she can carry without being overwhelmed. In his judgment, her vow will necessarily produce an overloaded basket. Ergo, he has the authority to cancel her promise. The purpose here is not to abrogate her personhood in the least; rather, the intent is to give her rest.

Feminism is an awful thing in the lies it tells, and the relationship structures it produces. It is precisely here we find one of them. Feminism says that not only can a woman do all that a man can do, furthermore a woman should do all that a man does. Balderdash. In front of my window is a bright red Iowa cardinal. God designed and created it for different purposes than He designed and created me. If it tried to do my work or I tried to do its work, the result would be frustration, disappointment, grief, and failure. Which is precisely what feminism delivers.

          My dear sister, it is not that you are a lesser form of humanity, less critical, less valued, less loved, or less necessary. Balderdash to that, too, I say. It is that God designed you and your husband differently. My dear brother, it is not that you are a higher form of humanity, more important, more valued, more loved, or more necessary. No, it is that God designed you and your wife differently.

Husband, is your marriage patterned after God's design? Are you taking the stress and pressure off of your wife, placing it upon yourself, and so bringing her rest? This is the model of a marriage based on ministry. Or are you piling item after item into her basket and then standing around perplexed and frustrated when she seems to break down in carrying it all?

Seek to discover what is weighing on her mind and heart. Then lift it. This is your task.