When You Are Hurt by God's People

 

Suffering 11

 

Note: From time to time, as we proceed through this series on suffering, I am going to bring you the stories of some people who have suffered, stories written in their own words. Today's post is by Robert Rutta, veteran missionary to New Zealand. At one point he was deeply hurt by a fellow missionary. He tells that story, and how God gave grace to overcome it.

__________________________________________________________

Depression, discouragement, and despondency can bring a slow death to ministry. These are things that everyone who is in service for our Lord faces to some extent. The normal trials that we face can weigh us down, but sometimes you have a situation that just punches you in the face and leaves you dazed and hurting. We had one of those back in the 90s that could have been the death of my ministry. This was the closest that I have ever been to quitting, packing up, and going back to the States and it took a few years to recover.

I was 26 when my wife and I landed in New Zealand, ready to serve. We jumped into the work with both feet. We set out to plant a church. In those first years we saw our church reach close to 40 in attendance, and then go down to almost nothing and then back up again several times. Oh the joys of an infant church in a town where people were constantly moving in and out. There were no transfers from other churches. These were people that we had met, won to the Lord and carefully discipled. We were seeing the ministry growing, but inside my wife and I were terribly lonely. We were so far from home and there were no churches anywhere close to us for fellowship. We went from the excitement of deputation, rushing from church to church presenting our ministry and always being around people to years of complete isolation.

In our 8th year on the field we were contacted by a missionary wanting to come to New Zealand. He needed a sponsor to help bring him into the country and I was eager for fellowship. When a missionary enters into a situation like that it can be the greatest of blessings or it can be a nightmare. We had no idea of the storm that was coming. We ran into an immediate conflict when we went out soulwinning together as I felt that he was using a shallow, pressure filled, deceptive method in order to get notches on his Bible, but with no true decision within the heart of the “new converts.” I had to confront him about it. This didn’t go over well. In the time that he was with us we went out soulwinning together about 3 times a week but from that point on he had few, if any, decisions while I was with him because he was limited to doing it without pressure. Even so, he would come to church every Sunday reporting 20 or more that he had “won” while going out on his own that week doing it his way.

After he had been with us for a few weeks we were talking in my office and he said something about the pastor that started the college that we had both attended. I made the statement that I love him but he is human and there are things that he can be wrong about. Everything went downhill from there. From that point I was the enemy. He and his wife refused to talk with my wife and I, even at church. We realized that we had to move him on and get him out of there so we worked out a deal with the government that he could alter his visa and let him go out on his own. He and his wife were only with us for 3-4 months, but he destroyed our church during that time. His attitude about us was clear to all and the spirit of discord caused people to leave that we had worked so hard to reach. He spent much of his time trying to convince our members to move with him to help him start the new church and even returned to our town afterwards to meet with them. In his arrogance he defied every rule of ethics in the ministry.

I have always been an introvert by nature. I can plod. I can work and be consistent, but there was no way that I could compare with someone with a charismatic personality who is fully self-assured, outgoing and well-spoken. We made it to his last Sunday with us and he asked to preach in his final service. I foolishly said yes, thinking this would be his chance to have a friendly goodbye. He preached about how our church didn’t qualify as a real church and they needed a pastor that was a man of God and a true soulwinner. I sat on the front row and cried. I know I should have stopped him, but I didn’t have any self-worth left. Those few months had worn me down and ripped me apart.

When you have been hurt badly it will take time to recover. We understand that when we think of our physical bodies. When you have an accident or an operation you expect that you will need to give your body the time that it needs to mend. Bones need to knit together, the stiches need to heal, and scars must form. That all takes time. The same must occur with the spiritual and the emotional.

I went through a few years after the above incident where I was functioning in the ministry – preaching, serving – but inside I was a wreck. I would preach on Sunday and then go home and fall down on the floor in my office and cry. Inside the words still echoed that I wasn’t worthy to be in the ministry. I would go soulwinning and when the people opened the door I would begin to cry. I recognize now that I was going through depression, but it is hard to see clearly when you are in the middle of it.

What do you do in order to mend? How do you get back to normal? Can there ever be normal again?

 

Pray.

Bare your heart fully and honestly with God. Tell the Lord what you are feeling – every last detail, every hurt, every fear, every disappointment - and then ask for His strength to get you through. You are not going to make it through on your own. During the times of hurt you are going to need to draw closer to the Lord than you have ever been before.

 

Tears.

Early in Bible college I worked in a job where many of my coworkers were immigrants from countries all around the world. Most knew little or no English. My heart would break as I wanted to witness but couldn’t communicate. I would find myself crying for them as I worked. That truly gave me a heart for missions and the needs all around the world. I asked my pastor from my home church how to handle it. He told me, “Show joy when you around people during the day, but then cry when you are alone with God at night. They need to see the joy of the Lord in your life.” Those words have stayed with me through all aspects of ministry. Tears have an important cleansing characteristic. As you go through the process of forgiveness, tears that are shed in the presence of the Lord will help in the healing process.

 

Forgive.

Recognize the humanity of the person that has hurt you. Understand that they are just human and can do wrong. Then forgive. Don’t strike back and leave the vengeance to the Lord. Unforgiveness will simply lead to bitterness. Bitterness is like rust on iron. It will eat you alive and destroy every aspect of your spiritual walk. We are commanded to forgive as Christ forgave us. We must forgive, or we will never be able to help others.

 

Look to the Bible for examples.

The Bible is filled with stories of men and women who were seemingly insignificant – and that is how I felt. But God chose them, prepared them, taught them, enabled them, and then used them for His service. Those like Gideon. He saw himself as the least in his father’s household, but God saw the hidden man of the heart, the mighty man of valor that he could become. You are focused on your own weakness. Instead, you must focus on His strength.

 

Don’t compare yourself with others.

When we compare ourselves among ourselves we truly are not wise. (II Cor 10:12) I went through too many years looking at people with big ministries or who saw great results and shaming myself for being the person that I saw myself to be. The incident above just reinforced that view of myself. Jesus taught the parable of the talents to show us that we are not all entrusted with the same level of ministry, but as long as I take what I have been given and invest it fully and completely, then I can stand before the Lord and hear those most beautiful of words, “Well done, thou good and faithful servant.” Truly understanding that truth lifted a weight off of my shoulders. I don’t have to match anyone else. I don’t have to have the skill or personality of anyone else. I just have to use all that God has entrusted me with. But here is an additional thought. Don’t limit yourself. If you remain in the service of the Lord for a lifetime you may find that in youth you saw yourself as a one or two talent Christian, capable of so little, but you determined to be faithful with what you had. As the years progress you may find that God, because of your faithfulness, has now entrusted you with more that He wants you to invest.

 

Reach out for help.

Find someone that you can confide in and share your heart. I phoned a pastor friend in the States and told him that I was hurting really bad. My heart was broken and I needed him. My body was heaving and through tears I said, “Don’t tell me to give up. Please help me to find a way that I can keep going.” Through the years, whenever I have sought counsel or help because of burdens that has always been my initial request – I want to find a way to stand up again and continue in the work.

Robert and Diana Rutta

You will find that time and a consistent walk with the Lord are great healers. We have been on the field for 34 years now. I have never been happier in the ministry than I am now. I laugh a lot. If anything, I get in trouble for laughing too often. I constantly rejoice and am amazed by what I see the Lord doing. I look at my church and ministry and I have so much more than I ever could have imagined. My church is filled with people that I love. I rejoice with every step of growth in them that I see. If I had responded incorrectly to the hurt and pain, I would have lost all of this.

Community Baptist Church
Dunedin, New Zealand

Keep serving the Lord and build new experiences and new victories and those hurts of the past become a distant memory. From time to time you will look at the variety of scars that you have gained – the scars will never go away – and you will remember. But you will have peace. God had a purpose and He meant it for good. The memories will be of the wonderful way that God brought you through, and He will be exalted.