Wife, Be Prudent

 

Marriage 18

 

          I believe marriage is a gift from God, both in the abstract and in the concrete. In other words, marriage is a gift to humanity, writ large, and to myself, personally. I view my wife in this way as God's gift to me. And that is the scriptural view. House and riches are the inheritance of fathers: and a prudent wife is from the Lord. (Proverbs 19.14) If every good gift and every perfect gift cometh down from above, from the Father (James 1.17), my wife is undoubtedly chief among them. God saw my lack and sent me someone specifically designed to fill that lack.

          …but that is not actually my point with today's post. I draw your attention to the adjective in front of the word wife there. Prudent. This is what a God-given wife is supposed to be, amongst other things. And this character trait is tied explicitly to the fact that she is a gift directly from God.

          What is prudence? Loosely defined, it means to look forward, to see what is coming down the pike, and to adjust your current actions accordingly. Prudence thus implies two things. First, it implies a great deal of forward-looking. Prudence respects the past but faces forward. Prudence pays attention to the present but always keeps its gaze on the future. Having ascertained the future, second, prudence implies a great deal of thinking. If old age is coming, what does this mean for me? What does it mean for those I love? If I fail to adjust, what will result? If I succeed in adjusting, what does that look like in the present? Prudence is forward-facing contemplation.

          Let us now apply this to a wife's role in marriage. In what areas or in what ways does a wife exercise prudence?

          First, a wife should be prudent in her dealings with her husband. Scripture elsewhere tells a husband to dwell with his wife according to knowledge. (I Peter 3.7) Although it is not directly stated, the same is implied from the wife to the husband. A wife should ask the question, "If I do such and such, what will my husband do? How will he respond?" She should also know the answers to these questions. This is dwelling with him according to knowledge. She should then adjust her actions/non-actions accordingly. This is dwelling with him according to prudence.

          A prudent wife is almost never surprised by anything about her husband. In fact, it could be argued that a wife could and should be able to see things before her husband. And a husband who understands that listens most carefully to his wife. What has long been labeled womanly intuition is better labeled a prudent wife.

          Second, a wife should be prudent in her dealings with other men. Jealousy is a rage in a man (Proverbs 6.34). Such a fact does not make his jealousy acceptable in the eyes of God, but it does make it actual. This is my 25^th year of marriage. In all those years, I have never had one cause to be jealous. My wife has been conscious of her testimony, her integrity, and my heart. There are, of course, some women who have been taught to play with a man’s heart so as to arouse his jealousy. Foolish wives may do so; prudent wives know better.

          Third, a wife should be prudent in the handling of the children.

Each child gifted into our stewardship by the Lord is as unique as a snowflake. They are not built on assembly lines; they are created as individuals, first in the mind of God and then in the body of the mother. As such, they must be parented as individuals. Yes, certain things are true of boys, and other things are true of girls. Nevertheless, each child is its own person. A prudent mother knows her child better than any other human being ever will, perhaps. Applying that knowledge, she looks down the road to see what is coming and adjusts her mothering accordingly.

What a gift such a wife and such a mother is!

Fourth, a wife should be prudent in her handling of the household. Hopefully, my readers are familiar with the lady referenced in Proverbs 31 and will see the immediate connections. Scripturally, the Lord places upon the husband and father the responsibility of providing for the home. Just as scripturally, we see the wife and mother take the responsibility to ensure that what he provides she uses and spends and invests wisely. Ergo, she budgets, saves, and makes do. She plots how to subsidize the income. What she does not do is put even more pressure on her husband to produce a greater income. She is too prudent for that.  

It is ineffably sad when a wife fails in this area. She often hamstrings her husband’s ability to serve the Lord, and her children rarely rise up to call her blessed. (Proverbs 31.28)       

Fifth, a wife should be prudent in preparing for succeeding life stages. She looks forward and thinks about what she sees a great deal. Prior to marriage, she prepares herself for the honor and duties of marriage. Prior to motherhood, she prepares herself for the significant changes and opportunities it will bring. Prior to having children of school age, she plans for the schedule changes and life emphasis those years bring. Prior to having teenagers, she parents intentionally to prepare her children to succeed in those crucial years. Prior to being empty nesters, she trims the sails and adjusts the course of their marriage. Prior to retirement, she develops plans A, B, C, and D, all while trusting the Lord's word and work in their life. 

It is a peaceful June Sunday afternoon as I write this on my back porch. The sun is shining, the air is sweet with the fragrance of flowers, and the birds are cheerfully singing here at Saint’s Rest. My life is filled with the goodness of the Lord. But amongst all my earthly blessings, there is none other to be compared with my prudent wife. She is from the Lord, and I am deeply grateful to both of them for it.