Marriage Myths: The Test Drive

 

Marriage 26

 

Marriage Myths: The Test Drive

 

          "You would be a fool not to. How else do you think you will know if you like it? It might not suit you at all. It's such an important decision that you should gather all the information you can about it before you make it. Only an idiot doesn't take a test drive."

          That paragraph may well represent wisdom about choosing a car, but it is absolute folly when selecting a husband or a wife. Yet the idea that living together before marriage results in a better chance at a lasting marriage is extremely popular. The last data I could find from the Census Bureau (2016) estimates that 18 million people live together as partners. That is triple what it was when I graduated from high school in the early 90s. Furthermore, The Centers for Disease Control estimates that 50% of all women under 30 will choose this route on the way to marriage.

          Jesus said it so well in the Autumn before His death: Ye are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it. (John 8.44) Of the various marriage myths we will examine for the next few weeks in this blog series, surely this has to be the biggest and the most damaging. It is an utter lie.

          Living together before marriage violates God’s Word. Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge. (Hebrews 13.4) The physical act of marriage is not designed for a test drive. It is designed for the union of two souls. It is designed to create the intimacy necessary for trust and love to thrive. It is designed to produce children. It is designed to bring joy to a couple who have risked everything on a life committed to each other. The last thing God intended for it to be was a selfish, commitment-free mirage of a hedonistic joy ride.

          Ironically, the very pragmatism that lies at its core would argue against entering a cohabitation living arrangement. In a February 2010 report, the Centers for Disease Control found that married couples ten years in who lived together prior to marriage divorced at a rate of 40%; married couples ten years in who had not lived together prior to marriage divorced at a rate of 34%. Apparently, the test drive theory is faulty. Now, why would that be?

          I propose the answer is relatively simple. The vital element necessary to a successful marriage is commitment. There is no other way to build a good marriage. At some point, and soon, every marriage requires it. Living together as man and wife, mingling your past, present, and future, sharing the same living space, reacting differently to the same stimuli, experiencing health problems, legal issues, financial difficulties, parenting pressures, and a thousand other things will push you apart. In this scenario, when your dreamboat turns out to be a bit of a shipwreck, commitment becomes the cement that binds you together. The married couple who initially cohabited, however, bring a decreased sense of commitment and an elevated sense of "we're trying this" to the relationship. It does not take a rocket scientist to establish why the latter approach produces a greater chance of divorce.

          There are no better ideas than God's ideas. Living together before marriage is a bad idea.