My Ten Commandments for Online Arguments

 

Some months ago, someone sent me a private message thanking me for my online demeanor, especially with people who disagreed with me. They followed up with a request for some of the principles guiding my overall online approach. While there are books, specifically Martin Wickens’ Heart and Scroll, that address such things well, I responded to the pm with a few thoughts of my own. Here is my answer to them:  

1. I believe in using my own name and doing so publicly. This constrains me from the evils in my nature that would be freed by being anonymous. And, especially as a pastor, it informs my online speech because I am always conscious that one of my church members might see this conversation, and it could be a stumbling block to them.

 

2. I believe in being fair to my opponent. I mean this in the sense of intellectual honesty. If I am going to attack their position, I need to do so having accurately understood and/or represented that position.

 

3. I believe in being charitable as much as lieth in me. Almost always, the individuals I disagree with online are also God's children. God wants His children to deal in loving respect with one another, even in disagreement. I try to remember that I don't know all the facts. I try to remember I am fallible. I try to remember I have changed/grown from one position to another in various ways over the years. I try to remember the other person is sincere and also loves the Lord. All that helps me to be charitable.

 

4. I believe in the necessity of having a clear conscience when I meet my opponent in Heaven. I don't want the first words out of my mouth to be a very long apology and request for forgiveness. Maybe I can't reconcile the relationship, and/or maybe we will stay on opposite sides of the issue, but I want to keep right toward that individual in my heart.

 

5. I believe in the necessity of God's people to speak up in the public arena. In New England, a few hundred years ago, that was the town hall. In our day, it is the community Facebook groups and comment pages. We need to stand for the truth and right graciously, kindly, yes, but firmly and without apology. If wrong is being promoted/celebrated in our community, God’s people ought to push back against it publicly and vocally.

 

6. I believe in trying to persuade the lurker more than trying to persuade my opponent. In other words, I try to present reasonable arguments to move people toward my position and away from my opponents, but I don't worry at all if I can't persuade my opponent. I aim, in my mind, for the reasonable yet unpersuaded individual who reads but never comments. Those are my converts.

7. I believe in letting someone else have the last word as much as possible. It restrains me from beating someone or some subject into the ground, and humbles me.

 

8. I believe in public apology as a necessary good when required.

 

9. I believe public attacks should almost always be in relation to position and not in relation to people/personalities, etc. Sometimes the two are intertwined, and I accept that, but my heart needs to be right in my own intent/approach.

 

10. I believe public sin/error on the part of a religious leader does not necessarily require a private approach from me first. Church discipline and online discussion are not necessarily the same thing. If someone seeks to be a public influence and I judge that influence to be dangerous to people or concepts I hold dear, I can speak out publicly against it without approaching them privately first.