Husband, Praise Your Wife

 

Marriage 12

 

          A wife should praise her husband exuberantly, excitedly, exquisitely, and extravagantly. Or at least that is what is often said, with some justification. (We will get to that after a while in this series.) What is not as usually said but bears saying is that a husband should praise his wife. Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. (Proverbs 31.28)

When I reach back into the dim recesses of my memory, I can recall my mother emphasizing the first part of this verse to me. I did not understand why she did then; I understand it now and have consciously sought to do so. I have also heard the same from those preaching about or referencing the Proverbs 31 lady. But with rare exceptions, the latter portion of the verse has been notoriously neglected. Almost always, when praise or respect or reverencing comes up in the marriage discussion, the street we find ourselves on is one way à from the wife to the husband. My point is not a criticism of the call for a wife to reverence her husband; it is that this respect and commendation is not a one-way street.

A husband should praise his wife to his children.

It would be too much to say that a husband understands what a mother is and does, but it would not be too much to say a husband knows better than anybody what his children's mother is and does. He was there when each child was conceived, carried, and born, with all the attendant trouble to the mother. He was there when the child exhausted her in the infant stage. He was there when the child wearied her in the toddler stage. He has been there through the labour and sorrow of each successive stage of parenting as well. He knows the cost, for he has watched her pay it unselfishly hour by hour, week by week, month by month, and year by year.

Husband, tell your children how wonderful their mother is.

A husband should praise his wife to his friends.

The natural human condition is one of complaint. "Let me tell you about my lumbago, sonny." This tendency to complain is aggravated when we are amongst friends such that we can relax around them. Then it is our troubles pour out as we lean into the sympathetic ear. Sometimes, we even subconsciously seek to outdo the other complainers around us in an effort to gain more sympathy and admiration for what we endure. In the context of this blog post, it represents itself as the husband complaining to the boys while they are bowling of a Tuesday night.

"You think your old lady is bad? I couldn't wait to get out of the house. Wow. She's in rare form tonight, giving me grief for all kinds of stuff I didn't even do. And you would think, with as much time as she has sitting on her duff, that she could get dinner on the stove in time and clean up a bit around the place. Watch me now, fellas. This one'll be a strike for sure."

There are several ways to ensure the foolishness of the prior paragraph does not come to life, but one of the best is surely this: praise your wife to your friends. It turns the conversation onto a higher plane and prevents you from griping later when you have a mind to. Such praise can also motivate the husband listening to find reasons to do the same for his own wife.

Husband, praise your wife to your coworkers—especially the female ones. Indeed, the more attractive a coworker is, the more your conversations around her ought to reference the joy, happiness, and satisfaction you find in your marriage.

This praise does not have to be ugly. “My wife is gorgeous. You could take a lesson here, Bertha." Rather, the praise of a wife comes up naturally in a man's conversation when he discusses his life. His wife is a major part of his life, and his discussion should thus naturally be filled with references to her. Choose to make them positive references. All the other women in the place will get the point.

Above all, husband, praise your wife to her. Although word of your praise of her to others will get back to her, it will do her soul a world of good when you praise her in her presence. A good wife constantly gives of herself. The devil loves to tempt her with the lie that no one notices, no one cares. Encourage her heart by telling her you notice.

Did you ever hear the term self-fulfilling prophecy? It implies a statement regarding the future which impacts the future in the very way you state. It produces the conditions that create the fulfillment it predicted. A husband who complains about his wife to all and sundry will find his wife shrinks away from the selfless toil necessary to be a good wife. His very criticism produces the result he says he does not want.

Well, beloved, the reverse is also true. People become their praise. Tell her how valuable she is, and she will become yet more valuable. Remind her of her true worth to you and to others. Never let her forget it. Insulate her from discontent and the disease of feeling like a failure. It is not pride you will produce, but joy and contentment and a willingness to continue to give herself away.

All glory and praise belong to God, surely, but Scripture makes plain that some of it belongs to deserving people. Your wife is the most deserving of people. Praise her.