Marriage 14
There is little, if anything, more
difficult in a woman's life than the inability to bear children. In a real
sense, it attacks her at the very core of who she is and how she views herself.
It ruins her purpose, so to speak. In our modern society, it is not unusual to
find women who have willingly set this off to the side as they pursue their own
agendas, but in God's people, such thinking is rare, and rightly so. A woman
has more purpose than to bear and rear children but make no mistake, that is a
significant part of her purpose.
Understanding this, then, I want to
set before you two examples in Scripture of women who were unable to bear
children. Perhaps I should say rather, two examples of husbands with wives in
that condition since this post is aimed at husbands. One of these husbands
handled it well; the other handled it poorly.
In I Samuel 1 we find the story
of a broken-hearted Hannah, desperate because she cannot conceive. Her husband,
displaying a staggering ignorance of the depth of his wife’s pain, responded
horrifically. Hannah, why weepest thou? and why eatest thou not? and why is
thy heart grieved? am not I better to thee than ten sons? (I Samuel 1.8) I
am not surprised the Word of God does not record her answer. It probably
involved hurling a plate at the man’s head.
Isaac, on the other hand, responded
much better to Rachel. Though Scripture does not tell us what he said, it does
tell us what he did: And Isaac intreated the Lord for his wife, because she
was barren: and the Lord was intreated of him, and Rebekah his wife conceived.
(Genesis 25.21) There is so much left unsaid there, but what is said is
spoken beautifully. He saw the depth of her need, and he got down on the knees
of his heart and begged God to be gracious to his wife. As He always does, God
heard. As He often does, God answered lavishly.
My brother, if you truly see your
marriage as a ministry, what greater way could you minister to her than by
praying for her? Ministry of any sort is entirely dependent on prayer. This one
is no different. What does she need? What does she want? When these are beyond
your power, as they often will be, ask God. Ask Him repeatedly. Ask Him
fervently. Ask Him in all seasons of life. Take your precious wife in your
hands and lift them up before the throne of grace.
I realize that only some people who
read my blog are in vocational ministry. Nevertheless, a large portion of those
who read it do have such a ministry, and I would venture to say most of the
rest are active in serving the Lord through their church. I grew up in a
ministry home. My father accepted his first pastorate mere weeks before I was
born. All too often, preacher's kids, as they are called, resent the ministry
because it seems to pull their father away from them. Such was not my
experience, and I am grateful. My father did not prioritize his public ministry
above the one found in the confines of his own home. Yet you and I both know
men who have and wives and children who have suffered as a result.
Shame on you if you pray more for
somebody else’s family members than you do for your own family members. You
have no higher earthly relationship than the wife of your youth and the mother
of your children. You have no higher calling than that of being her husband.
You have no more compelling responsibility than her.
It may be you find within yourself the
inability to bring your wife rest, to love your wife, to trust your wife, to
praise your wife, or to tell her she is beautiful sincerely. Take that need in
your heart to Him; it is at the throne you will find the grace to help you in
your time of need, to help you be to her what she needs you to be.
Alternatively, the lack you sense may not
be in your heart, but in your wallet or your circumstances or something else.
Go to Him, my brother. Tell Him how much you love her, how much she needs, what
it is that you cannot give, and ask the Lord to provide it out of His bounteous
wealth. Which of you shall have a friend, and shall go unto him at midnight,
and say unto him, Friend, lend me three loaves… He will rise and give him as
many as he needeth. And I say unto you, Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and
ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. (Luke 11.5-9)
I do not know any perfect pastors. I
certainly am not one myself. I know what it is like to sit in my car, weeping,
parked in front of some church member's house at midnight, and ask God to make
up for the lack in my pastoring. I also know what it is like to bow before Him
and beseech Him to make up for the lack in my husbanding. Tonight, as I lay
down in bed beside my wife of twenty-four years, I will do so as the recipient
of the largesse of God's grace at work in my marriage. It would be wise, indeed,
for me to ask Him for more. I need it. She needs it. We need it.
So ask.
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