Marriage 20
A godly wife submits to her husband.
This is an exceedingly unpopular view of a wife's role in today's society.
Still, as we discussed earlier in this series, we are not to get our view of
marriage from society. Instead, we ought to inculcate it from the Word of God.
It is to the Scriptures that I turn today. In them, we find several references to a wife submitting to her husband. Let us briefly examine them to discover what we can learn.
First, we see that a wife’s submission
to her husband came about as a result of the Fall. Unto the woman he said, I
will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring
forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee. (Genesis 3.16) Make no
mistake, women are not alone cursed as a result of sin. Men are, too. A man's
curse revolves around the necessity of work to fight off a perpetual,
never-ending financial insecurity he is never free of this side of the grave. A
woman's curse is two-fold, as we see in this passage. First, she experiences
sorrow and lives with a life-long concern for her children. Second, she is now
placed in a position of submission in her marriage. I argued earlier in this
series that a wife has great influence, but that influence is balanced by
authority, an authority carried by her husband alone.
Second, we see that a wife does not
merely submit to her husband; she submits through her husband to the Lord. Wives,
submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. (Ephesians 5.22) Consequently,
you are not in submission to God, no matter how much you know and do
spiritually than your husband, if you are not in submission to your husband.
Whoever bears the authority bears the
responsibility also. Truman famously had a plaque on his desk that said,
"The buck stops here." Your husband, not you, bears the
responsibility for your family's actions and direction before God. In other words,
you are not responsible for him; you are responsible to him. Many a wife of my
acquaintance feels it is her job to practically be her husband's mother, or
failing that, at the least, his conscience. Such a view is a failure to
understand where the responsibility lies.
Put another way round, you are
responsible to him, but more so through Him to God. Your task is to submit to
your husband and thus follow his leadership. Your husband's task is to submit
to God and thus follow His leadership. Ergo, your husband is thus held
responsible by God for his family's spiritual direction and actions.
Long ago, one wag said it this way:
submission is the fine art of ducking so God hits your husband. Since the blow
will not be landing on you, the authority and responsibility do not rest on you
either. Thus, in submitting to your husband's rule, you fulfill your duties to
God. How can He have a problem with you in the result?
Let us say, for example, that your
husband wants to leave your church, and you do not. You should express your
opinion that you desire to stay openly with him, but pair that with an
explanation that you will follow him no matter what he decides. Then do it.
When you conduct yourself in such a matter, you are obeying the Lord's
directive for your life. The responsibility before God for the good or bad
result of the decision at hand thus rests with your husband, for you have
fulfilled what God intended for you.
Alternatively, let us say for the
moment that you want to leave your church, but your husband does not. You
express your opinion that you desire to leave openly and frankly to him. He
disagrees. You nag, bother, berate, and insist until he gives in, even though
he does think it is wise and does not want to. If and when it comes from God,
the blow will land on both of you, him because he failed to lead and you
because you failed to follow.
In simplest terms, you are submitting
to God when you submit to your husband.
Third, a wife’s model in this is the
way the church submits to Jesus Christ. Therefore as the church is subject
unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
(Ephesians 5.24) We see a thorough submission here, literally in
everything. At the same time, this thorough submission is not without the
expression of your own request or opinion. Does not the church pray? Is that
not, by definition, conveying its requests to the Lord? Of course. But once the
Lord makes His will plainly known, the only acceptable response on the part of
the church is obedience.
If you can find room in this passage
to refuse your husband, nag him to death, and whine until you get what you
want, I shudder to think what your concept of church is like. On the other
hand, just as with a church, a warm, sweet, intimate, joyous relationship
blossoms when the bride submits in faith and good cheer to the groom.
Fourth, a wife is to submit to her own
husband. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in
the Lord. (Colossians 3.18) There may well be other men who exercise some
authority over you in other areas of life, i.e., your boss at work, your pastor
at church, and the policeman in the community. But what they say should never
override what your husband says, nor should you ever grant them the same entire
submission you grant him. Follow a designated authority in that authority’s
sphere? Yes. Grant them the same blanket pledge of submission in all things?
No.
Fifth, a wife’s submission is designed
to be a powerful force in drawing the husband closer to the Lord. Likewise,
ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the
word, they may also without the word be won by the conversation of the wives.
(I Peter 3.1) When you seek to follow your husband as the church follows
Christ, i.e., cheerfully, in faith, thoroughly, and immediately, one would
assume that the lost husband's reaction would be one of pride, arrogance,
control, and bluster. And some do react in such a manner. I propose to you that
such men are simply indicating their own insecurity in their leadership in the
home. On the other hand, when a husband truly knows and feels that his wife
trusts him and God in her submission, the opposite effect is produced. He
develops an expanded sense of responsibility for her and to God. This, in turn,
drives him to make careful, scriptural, spiritual decisions for his family. A
godly wife's submission to her ungodly husband is a powerful force pulling him
toward Christ.
Lastly, this scriptural model of
marital submission makes the wife look beautiful. For after this manner in
the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being
in subjection unto their own husbands. (I Peter 3.5) This verse summarizes
the entire teaching of submission. Holy, as in a wife cannot be holy if she is
not submissive. Trusted in God, as in her submission is through her husband to
God, trusting in God to take care of her and hold her husband accountable.
Their own husbands, as in marital submission is not to every man. The result of
this is visible to all and sundry. Adorn themselves, as in making themselves
look good. Women spend countless hours of time, dollars of money, and
bucketloads of worry and effort seeking to beautify themselves and gain
attention. Some of these things, in a proper place, are even appropriate. Yet a
woman who scripturally submits to her husband has adorned herself with beauty
long before she lays a brush upon her cheek.
Any woman, or man for that matter,
reading this is certainly welcome to disagree with me. As I have written this,
I am conscious that for all the care I have taken, I could have worded
something better here or there. I do not want to be unbalanced or to influence
marriages in an unbalanced manner. But having said that, I am absolutely sure I
am not mistaken about the primary point in question. Submission is not about
the man's native intelligence or, power or glory. It has nothing to do with
that. It is all about obeying the Lord.
No comments:
Post a Comment