Marriage 29
Throughout Scripture, there is a
primacy placed on seeking counsel. Thou shalt guide me with thine counsel,
And afterward receive me to glory. (Psalm 73.24) Where no counsel is, the
people fall: But in the multitude of counsellors there is safety. (Proverbs
11.14) I could easily cite dozens more.
Life is a matter of relationships. If
you do not believe me, ask the people in Western North Carolina what matters to
them now. It is not their career, their stuff, or their reputation. What
matters to them is the people they love. It then follows that if life is a
matter of relationships, we should certainly be getting counsel about how to
better maintain and improve those relationships. Foremost amongst these
relationships is marriage. Put plainly, seeking counsel in reference to your
marriage is certainly a scriptural and wise thing.
Why, then, am I criticizing it?
Look again at the wording of this
particular marriage myth: seek counsel when you are unhappy. Assuming this is
the approach, this makes your goal in seeking marital counseling one of
happiness. However, it should not be the counselor's goal to make you happy,
nor should it be your goal.
Why not? First, because this is a
pragmatic approach, and though Scripture does not totally rule out pragmatism,
we certainly should not lead with it philosophically. Second, if happiness is
my overriding goal in my marriage, I have opened the door to ungodly thoughts
and actions. After all, if they make us happy, what right do you have to tell
me to avoid them? Third, many divorces happen for precisely this reason –
happiness is the goal, and it is slowly determined that it cannot take place
within the marriage; ergo, the marriage is dissolved.
Happiness ought never be a goal;
happiness is a byproduct. It is the incidental outcome obtained on the pathway
of obedience to the Lord. Of the 137 times the word "counsel" is
found in the Word of God, it is never connected, in a good sense, with becoming
happy. It is connected with knowing what God wants you to do. It is also connected
with learning how to do what you already know God wants you to do. In other
words, counsel is connected with obedience.
Make no mistake, I am for marital
counseling. But it is not to make you happy; it is to make you obedient. What
does God want you to do in this situation? How exactly do you do that, or how
can you do that better? Seek marital counseling for these things, beloved, and
happiness will come by inevitable default.
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